What do you perceive as the biggest parenting challenge in today’s society, and why?
Seema: “As a saying goes: Parenting is very easy, it’s just the first 40 years that are really challenging!” My parenting journey maybe different from others since I became a mother 27 years ago. Every day, every single moment as a mother was and is challenging. I was 24 years old when I had my first child. My daughter is now 27 and my son is 21. When a child is born, a mother is born too. So, it was not just the child growing up but even the mother was growing up. I feel one of the biggest challenges for parents would be to not compare their child with other kids. It’s very difficult but I try not to compare my kids with anyone. It’s more tough now as parents post about their kid’s achievements and wins and we are likely to think, why my kid is not achieving anything or where did I go wrong as a mother? I now try and allow the child to be unique and authentic – not like anyone else.
No matter what you do for the child, there will be times when they hate you. A Quote by Bette Davis sums it all up – “If you’ve never been hated by your child, you’ve never been a parent.”
SEEMA GOLCHHA
Ventriloquist, Comedian and TEDx Speaker
Diptee: Struggling to find a balance between professional responsibilities and spending quality time with children is the biggest parenting challenge. When a parent is unable to manage or make time for their children, they tend to indulge their children with money or unwanted gifts out of guilt which will have a negative impact on them.
Suvekchya: In contemporary society, shifting from joint to nuclear families presents a significant parenting challenge. With both parents often working, finding time to engage and occupy children becomes increasingly difficult. Moreover, societal pressures and technology’s pervasive influence further complicate the task of raising children without their detrimental effects. In addition, other factors such as balancing work-life commitments, navigating the influence of social media on children’s development, managing screen time effectively, ensuring quality education, addressing mental health issues, and fostering emotional resilience in children could also be considered significant parenting challenges in today’s society.
Prasant: Being a parent turns challenges into responsibilities. Parenthood made me understand the value of my parents because maybe when I was young, I would be in my zone and never understand them, so now I am facing that as a parent. I have an unconditional love for all children after becoming a parent. I enjoyed the journey of parenthood, from changing diapers to waking up throughout the night. I have my challenges because, as a single parent and a father figure, I don’t know how to react in some situations, but I make sure I am there for her through everything. We try to groom our children the way we grew up. I faced a few generation gaps, and this made me realise all parents have to grow twice: once when they are children and once when they become parents.
One of the biggest parenting challenges these days is navigating the impact of technology on children’s lives. Managing screen time, addressing cyberbullying and online safety, and fostering healthy relationships with digital devices is critical.
DIPTEE ACHARYA
Educator, Teacher Trainer & Change-maker
Mridula: Times have changed a lot since we were children. Parents nowadays have to jump a lot of hurdles. Starting from screen time to processed food to single families. When we were children, a few of these things were managed organically for us. For example, TV time used to be limited to that one show. Sweets and cakes were mostly for special occasions. Eating out at restaurants was a rewarding experience that we looked forward to. I believe the biggest challenge for parents today is an excess of resources. It’s getting harder and harder for us to raise our children. Navigating these excess resources takes a lot of willpower and energy from the parent.
Sandip: There are many challenges that a parent faces, but for me, a major challenge is my busy life. I cannot provide sufficient time for my child as I leave for work at around 6-7 am and I am back around 8-9 pm. There are too many things to handle or engagements that cannot be escaped, and I feel this hampers my connection with my child.
In your experience, how has modern technology affected or changed your approach to parenting?
Seema: These days, there are screens everywhere. Screens, gadgets, apps, games, and AI are inevitable. As much as you want to restrict the screens and gadgets for your child, you cannot fully avoid them. I feel as parents we need to move with time and technology, you would not want the child to feel left out and outcaste by their peers. I think, screen time and parental locks are important, and that really would depend on the age of the child and the value system of their families. But one thing is certain – strict or not strict, screen or no screen – ultimately parents want what’s best for the child in the given circumstances.
Diptee: One of the biggest parenting challenges these days is navigating the impact of technology on children’s lives. Managing screen time, addressing cyberbullying and online safety, and fostering healthy relationships with digital devices is critical. With my son, I had to create boundaries where I would limit the access to gadgets after 10 PM even till the age of 18 which I wasn’t happy about. However, children are easily distracted and not able to focus on anything productive due to the easy accessibility of unwanted activities so it was important for me to change my approach.
Suvekchya: Modern technology has revolutionised parenting by providing unprecedented access to information and resources. With platforms like YouTube and Google readily available, parents can easily access a wealth of knowledge and skills that were previously inaccessible. While technology may pose certain negative impacts on child-rearing, especially in their formative years, it undeniably aids parents in managing and acquiring skills that were previously out of reach.
Prasant: I gave my daughter a phone at the age of 16. I have witnessed my daughter’s approach changing slowly because of modern technology. Earlier, she would be very involved in all the physical activities, but slowly that turned into online games or just using it to chat with friends. As a parent, I felt I was no longer involved in her personal space, and this made me question myself. When your child is growing up, you are involved with everything in their life, but their turning older makes you feel a little neglected, and we can see the priorities changing in their life.
Balancing between being authoritative and nurturing in my parenting approach has presented its challenges. I strive for a “firm but kind” approach, understanding that as parents, our role is to guide and protect rather than solely befriend our children.
SUVEKCHYA GHIMIRE
Advocate & Entrepreneur
Mridula: Modern technology does make our lives easier in many ways, but again, in many ways, we end up overloading our children. For example, baby monitors instead of parents’ presence, white noise machines instead of lullabies, and hoverboards instead of cycles. Not to mention iPads and smartwatches for children. Sometimes it makes me wonder if using all of this is having an adverse effect on our and our children’s lives. I guess it all comes down to finding a balance and using technology in a way that supports us but does not excessively replace our natural ways of living. It comes down to parents being aware and conscious of what is good and how much is good. It’s difficult for parents because the answers are not always so black-and white or easy.
Sandip: Modern technology has had an impact on everybody, especially kids. I also see my seven-year-old child wanting smartphones or any gadget to play games or watch YouTube videos. I try my best as a parent to balance this approach and limit screen time as much as possible. If there are any informative videos, I show them myself, so it depends on the productivity of the task. My son is very young, so I try to indulge him more in physical activities and play basketball with him. I buy him more physical activity-related games, anything that keeps him away from screen time.
What’s the hardest part of parenting?
Seema: No matter what you do for the child, there will be times when they hate you. A Quote by Bette Davis sums it all up – “If you’ve never been hated by your child, you’ve never been a parent.”
Diptee: Supporting children’s emotional needs and wellbeing, addressing anxiety, depression, and stress, and providing access to mental health resources can be confusing and complex for parents, especially in Nepal where mental health is still a taboo and parents and caregivers do not have access or knowledge about what and how to go about dealing with such issues.
Suvekchya: The most challenging aspect of parenting is often the guilt experienced by parents. Many confess feeling inadequate or that they haven’t done enough for their children, adding immense pressure to their parenting journey. If this burden of guilt could be alleviated, parenting could be a more manageable and fulfilling experience.
Prasant: Parenting is a never ending duty, even though your child has grown up. With the academic curriculum always changing, I could not teach her, but I would provide the source. When children start wanting their personal space, as a parent, you feel left out, but later realise that the personal connection will be there forever. I feel I became unluckily lucky because as a single parent, I had all the responsibility, but that made me closer to her and understand her better. It wasn’t all easy, but I did the best that was possible for me.
Mridula: Before I start answering this, I want to disclaim that parenting is the most rewarding and gratifying things is to make them share their thoughts with you and make them feel comfortable in their way. I want to make sure that my child knows that I am giving him enough time and doesn’t feel otherwise. relationship one can experience. It is amazingly beautiful to be a parent and watch your child grow. Having said this, I can’t even begin to describe how challenging it is. The moment you give birth, you start a new life. Starting from your relationship with your body as a mother, to the relationship with your spouse, to the relationship with your work, social life, your parent, and friends. Basically, everything changes and most times, change in itself is so hard. However, I have seen a few parents navigate this change very sportingly, but it is very rare. I would love to crack the mystery of how they do it and spread that knowledge to all parents.
Sandip: Parenthood is a never ending cycle. If you skip one problem, the other problem arises on its own. Currently, for me, it’s understanding how my children perceive me, my talks, the environment they are surrounded by, or even movies. I want to understand all this from my child’s perspective. One of the hardest things is to make them share their thoughts with you and make them feel comfortable in their way. I want to make sure that my child knows that I am giving him enough time and doesn’t feel otherwise.
Parenting styles vary widely so what challenges have you faced in finding the right balance between being authoritative and being nurturing in your parenting approach?
Seema: I feel parenting for my parents was a lot easier than for my generation’s parents. They were very authoritative and dominating. What they said was always right and we’d get hit or slapped if we did anything wrong. But now you can’t do that. Kids are very sensitive and have a mind of their own. With the first born, the mother is confused and learning. She is likely to bring up the child the way her mother brought her up. In my case, I think I was a bit authoritative with my daughter only to learn that this style of mothering is not working. When my son was born, almost six years after my daughter, and I learned my ways and style of mothering. I had become calmer, more mature and understanding and thus more nurturing.
When children start wanting their personal space, as a parent, you feel left out, but later realise that the personal connection will be there forever.
PRASANT TAMRAKAR
Fashion Coach, Choreographer, Event Director Founder & CEO, Big Bell Edutainment Actor
Diptee: Like every parent, I too have faced many challenges. It has been very hard for me as well. I was quite strict with my older child and with the experiences I gathered with the older one I tried to be lesser strict with my younger one. With each child, it’s different as children are all very unique and different. We are not born parents rather are made parents once a child is born. No one has perfected the art of parenting in my opinion. All parents including me want to give the best possible life to their children and in the process often we tend to be overindulgent or overly protective about everything when the child is young. Then with time, the nurturing parent tends to become more authoritative. I have tried to strike a balance between being nurturing as well as being authoritative.
There is always a thin line between boundaries and freedom. Finding that boundary is the key, and it takes all parents some time, awareness, knowledge, and understanding to find that balance.
MRIDULA SARIA
Certified Parenting Coach
Suvekchya: Balancing between being authoritative and nurturing in my parenting approach has presented its challenges. I strive for a “firm but kind” approach, understanding that as parents, our role is to guide and protect rather than solely befriend our children. This approach is particularly necessary when my daughter’s safety or well-being is at stake. However, I also recognise the importance of allowing her the space to develop her personality and autonomy in non critical situations. It’s a delicate balance that requires constant reflection and adjustment.
Prasant: Parenting style for me is a mixture of everything, and it’s very situational. There are times when I have to be strict and let her know a few boundaries, but of course, there are better ways to do that than just scolding her. No parent ever wants something bad for their child, although the techniques might differ. There have been times when I was authoritative, but after that, she has never repeated that mistake. Parenting is challenging as you feel bad about scolding your child, but you must know when to do that.
Mridula: Yes, parenting styles vary widely, and rightly so. I believe every child is so unique that he or she does need a very unique and customised parenting style. There is always a thin line between boundaries and freedom. Finding that boundary is the key, and it takes all parents some time, awareness, knowledge, and understanding to find that balance. Luckily for me, I had all these resources at hand due to my profession. Not to say it wasn’t a challenge, but I got there, and the solution mostly always came to me by observing my child. All the answers lied right there in that observation, with all the background knowledge already in place.
I always make sure that my child knows his goal is to be better than himself and not others. I have started to home-educate my child, and the first thing I have taught him since a young age is to respect everybody, no matter what work anybody does or what race, religion, or gender they are from. These values are core values for my child.
Sandip Nepal
Manager-Retail Banking, NMB Bank
Sandip: It’s the right balance of two. You cannot be very authoritative, as the child might get scared of you and never share anything with you, and you might end up hurting your child’s feelings. Even if you are very nurturing, the child might never listen to you and can end up taking advantage of you. So, for teaching proper mannerisms, I use a little authoritarian approach, but for bonding or making him understand social norms, I take a nurturing approach.
What steps do you take to support your and your children’s emotional well-being?
Seema: Millennials and Gen-Z kids have no filter when speaking, their social media might have all the filters, but they don’t, and this can also be scary as sometimes it can ruin a friendship/relationship. Some kids are expressive and share with the parent if something is bothering them, but some just keep things within, making it difficult for a parent to understand the child even though they can sense it. Parents, in a way, are unpaid therapists, but sometimes they are also the reason for your unstable mental health. I feel I have evolved as a mother over the years. If my daughter or son confides in me about something very personal or if they messed up something, I try not to react instantly. I am learning to listen and try and put myself in their shoes. As parents, I think we have double standards for our children. We are generally very progressive or at least pretend to be very open-minded, but if your kid tells you about their gender fluidity or queer traits, we go ballistic. Why? When talking to my kids I try not to make it about me but try and understand what the child is going through. I feel, as a mother if I am supportive of my child, nobody can say anything to her/him, thus supporting her emotional well-being.
Diptee: Continuous communication is the key! Being a better listener is what I’ve always worked towards. Prioritising quality over quantity, and spending time with my children is what I have done. I have tried to engage in meaningful activities together, such as family dinners, outings, and travelling with the family to create lasting bonds and memories.
Suvekchya: To support both my child’s and my emotional well-being, I prioritise creating a safe space for expression. I encourage my daughter to freely express her emotions, allowing her to cry without judgment or pressure to stop. This applies equally to both girls and boys; all emotions are valid and important. When my child seeks my attention, I strive to give them my full presence, even if it means revisiting the conversation later due to prior commitments. As my daughter grows older, I aim to continue supporting her emotional development, understanding that at her current age of three, providing a listening ear and validating her feelings are crucial forms of support.
Prasant: I have been very lucky that I and my daughter have a very close relationship, as she shares everything with me. I have never given her fake hopes because she needs to know the reality. She understands me as well. We talk about everything, but there are times when we keep things to ourselves because we, as parents, might think it will hamper our children.
Mridula: I want to start by saying that I make very conscious efforts to first take care of myself. I have never been able to take care of my child or anybody else, for that matter, without caring enough for myself first. I take good breaks every week for me-time. Even working energises me. So, finding the right balance between caring for myself, growing at work, and caring for my child has helped a lot. At the same time, I have also worked a lot to grow and learn with my child. I am learning from my mistakes and working on my triggers. Basically, working towards not just becoming a better parent but also a conscious human being has helped me.
Sandip: I have learned to listen, so I listen to my child till he is finished talking. This gives me a chance to counsel him and see if he is facing something, and it makes me happy to spend time with him. The other thing I use to support the emotional wellbeing of me and my child is using a scientific approach, “PHAPI.” ‘P’ stands for the problem or his goal; ‘H’ stands for the hypothesis of the problem he is facing, ‘A’ stands for analysis of the problem and why the problem is occurring or even being created. ‘P’ stands for policy, where we make rules based on the problem, and ‘I’ stands for implementation, where we implement the action and make a change. I have been following this for a long time.
Cultural and societal norms can sometimes conflict with your parenting values. How do you navigate these differences while staying true to your beliefs and raising your children with integrity?
Seema: I have realised we parents can’t be rigid in our thoughts and ways. Sometimes it’s ok to let your kid have their way. I will share a little anecdote: “In our family, we have a tradition where when we meet our elder’s, we touch their feet. When my daughter was 10 years old, I told her to touch the feet of an uncle, and her first reaction was “Why? Why should I?” I was shocked. How could she question me? I said, that’s because we have been doing it for years, and that wasn’t a reason enough.” At the time I was really upset that she was not listening to me. But when I heard her side of the story, it made sense. Her reason was valid, and I was actually proud of her. These are some everyday situations you come across when you have decided what’s right and what’s not. Parents can be very egocentric when it comes to their kids because we are not ready for them to go against us, but we have to always step back and realise it’s not about us but about the child.
Diptee: Every family situation is different and each holds very unique values. Honestly, I have been blessed with parents as well as parents-in-law who uphold high standards of values, ethics, and equality. I have not been questioned by anyone about my beliefs and my ways of parenting. Rather I have been supported wholeheartedly. I generally feel that boys in Nepal are still very entitled as they rarely see their fathers, uncles, and grandfathers being equal workers at home. This in my opinion leads to the sons being more carefree and less responsible than girls. Also, daughters are brought up with this notion that they have to compromise and sacrifice for their families otherwise they are not “perfect” which leads to a lot of unnecessary pressure on them. I have always believed that no matter what, a child should grow up to be a kind, compassionate, respectful, humble, and responsible human being who is ready to give back to the community, society, and to the world and I hope I have raised my children with that belief and values.
Suvekchya: Navigating the intersection of cultural and societal norms with my parenting values requires a delicate balance. While our society often emphasises expressing love through authoritative guidance, I believe in the importance of understanding and respecting my child’s individuality. Thus, I approach this challenge with a discerning mindset, selectively incorporating elements of cultural and societal expectations into my parenting while staying true to my beliefs. By recognising that I know my child best, I strive to make informed decisions that prioritise their well-being and development, even if it means deviating from conventional norms. This approach allows me to raise my child with integrity, honouring both our cultural heritage and my values.
Prasant: I feel like, just like other subjects in school, there should be classes for parenting as well. We should be very aware of how the generation is evolving, but we should not forget the traditions and values that we learned from our parents. There are things we have learned that we have to unlearn and relearn again as we grow up. We should be true to ourselves and know what’s good for our children. We should learn from our children too, because they are more knowledgeable in today’s context. I am blessed to be a parent.
Mridula: To be very honest, cultural and societal norms are more often than not in conflict with my parenting values. I have always had confidence in my parenting style. Again, it makes it easier for me to believe in myself as a parent because I am coaching other parents. With that responsibility, I make sure I am continuously researching and studying the subject. So having confidence in my ways is not a question. Also, as a couple, we are very clear on the basic values that we want to imbibe in our child. Whenever I feel a little lost, I just go back to those basics, and my journey with my child seems clear. I feel a lot of societal norms come from conditioning, and that is exactly what I want to avoid while raising my child.
Sandip: You should never compare your parenting with others, as it can differ depending on circumstances or even financial stability. You should always let your child know that he is unique and has different strengths. I always make sure that he knows his goal is to be better than himself and not others. I have started to home educate my child, and the first thing I have taught him since a young age is to respect everybody, no matter what work anybody does or what race, religion, or gender they are from. These values are core values for my child. This helps my child and I become global citizens with a broader mindset and prepares him holistically.
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