Prajeet Budhathoki is the co-owner of Queermandu and Joey Foster Ellis is an art conservator. They celebrated their love and union in a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony recently in the capital.
In a world that often clings to outdated notions of love, Joey and Prajeet stand as a bold testament to breaking stereotypes and defying societal expectations. This couple recently tied the knot, embracing not just their love for each other but also the courage to challenge norms. In a milestone moment for the LGBTQ+ community, Prajeet and Joey became the first same-sex couple from Dharan to tie the knot, marking the seventh same-sex marriage in Nepal.
Despite the lack of legal recognition for same-sex marriages in the country, couples like them are navigating the complex process of registering their union at the ward level with considerable effort and legal support. Although these marriages don’t yet afford the same rights and protection as heterosexual unions, (property rights, inheritance or spousal benefits), their union stands as a powerful symbol of hope and equality, proving that love transcends gender and prejudice.
In an exclusive conversation with WOW, Joey and Prajeet share the journey to their wedding, their hope for a more inclusive future, and the unwavering belief that love, in all its forms, deserves to be celebrated.
How did you first meet, and who made the first move?
Both: The idea of dating online is so stressful for gays in Nepal, and yet it wields its power over us, as it ended up playing an integral role in our journey. When we connected in 2015 on Grinder (a dating app for queer people), we immediately started to talk and fell hard for each other.
Joey: I texted first and we had our first date in my home. We cooked food such as tofu, egg noodles and sausages. Prajeet is a great cook.
Prajeet: We went to ‘Lahana’ in Kritipur after that home date. I was surprised Joey knew all the Newari dishes and even pronounced them correctly. We moved in together two weeks later.
What’s the best moment between you two since you both met?
Prajeet: My best moment was when we went to Malaysia for my birthday. He made a special dinner in a Chinese restaurant near the sea where we enjoyed a peaceful sunset.
Joey: When we went to Chitlang with my friends it was the first time I was making Prajeet meet my friends. I had no idea what to expect but of course, he stole the day. When we went to a waterfall, everyone got into our swimming costumes. He was wearing the tiniest swim shorts I have ever seen and that was the gayest thing in the world. I was like, what is this guy doing here? We are in a public place. It was like he was in Greece. He was so beautiful. I was like, I love this guy. I am going to marry him and that was the moment when I knew I wanted to marry him.
The wedding proposal…
Both: We were already living together for two years and the proposal was for both of us to ask each other at the same time.
Prajeet: But well, I asked him, ‘Where is my ring?’
Joey: He did ask for the ring and finally I got it for him.
How did your families and friends react when you told them about your decision to marry?
Prajeet: I don’t feel like I need to say anything to anyone. To express what I am and who I am. I thought I would tell my parents when the time came. I just told them before the wedding and my father said, ‘This is your life, so you live however you want.’
Joey: They haven’t met Prajeet and they wish they could have come to the wedding here. They were a bit in shock at how big of a news it is here. After our wedding, we talked with everyone and they congratulated us. They were so happy for us and can’t wait to meet him as well.
What about cultural differences?
Prajeet: In our relationship, we are always finding out something, not just about the other person but also about each other’s culture. It makes things interesting and new. Our language together is a mix of Nepali and English, and sometimes Chinese, thanks to Joey’s fluency in it. Over time, we have just developed our own language.
Joey: We have always loved Nepal and we have always felt accepted here. Since I moved to Kathmandu, I have seen a huge difference in the queer community from then to now. We have had such a great life here in Kathmandu even before we met each other. Our wedding was like a public “coming out,” though our friends have always known about our relationship. Together, we celebrate a mix of festivals from Thanksgiving and Christmas to Dashain and Tihar.
What was the highlight of the wedding?
The highlight of our wedding ceremony were when we included a Pashupatinath priest to officiate the wedding and the heartwarming support of friends and acquaintances who came to celebrate our special day.
If your relationship were a movie, what would the title be?
Both: ‘Budu’ and ‘Mayalu’
Who’s the better cook, and what’s your favourite meal to make together?
Both: Baking brownies and cooking roast chicken
Joey: We love to host our friends for dinner parties and Prajeet is definitely the better cook and he loves to clean and arrange everything very aesthetically.
What were the challenges navigating the legal aspects of registering your marriage?
Joey: When we decided we wanted to get married, we realised that are rules for a foreigner marrying a Nepali woman but it doesn’t say what happens if you are same-sex. Our friend, Sunil Pant, supported us and sent us the list of required paperwork. We had to then redo things and spend money that we shouldn’t have had to spend. We hired a lawyer and she never took ‘no’ for an answer. It took a whole day but we just got under her umbrella. Marriage for same sex is not recognized by the Supreme Court as of now and it’s only at the ward level so we had to go to his ward in Dharan. Being the first same-sex couple to be registered in Dharan, we had to deal with the confusion of the municipality office who in essence didn’t necessarily know what was going on, so none of them wanted to sign or put anything on our paper work. We had to fly the lawyer down to Dharan and it was costly for us.
Prajeet: Love is love. We hope in Nepal, things will get cheaper in the future and people will have the knowledge accessible to them so they don’t need to hire a lawyer and go through what we dealt with. They can just do it on their own. Straight people do it all the time and it’s so easy for them. It doesn’t take any money.
Nepal is slowly moving toward marriage equality. What message do you hope your marriage sends to the LGBTQ+ community and the broader society?
Prajeet: I live for myself. I think that should be the motto of everybody’s life. I co-own a queer company over here. Our website is only written in the voice of a drag queen. We just wanted to be fun, to have people understand that travel can be fun. Gay people are everywhere and it’s fun to travel with the community. I would say to people is to have faith in the process. Marriage is an incredible thing. When you are married like us, you don’t have to hide who you are anymore. Everyone knows.
Joey: I think it’s been nice that the people who came to our wedding shared their videos and they went viral. Love is love at the end of the day. So, if you really love somebody and if you see a future together, why not? I think there’s something divine about marriage. In that, you really can connect with someone on a whole other level. Yeah, it’s a different level of connection. We realise now how beautiful it is just to know that we are going to be with each other for life.
Dream honeymoon
Prajeet: Auburn, New York. It’s Joey’s hometown too.
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