I think the main reason for having emotional stability and high self-esteem is typically the result of secure attachment, which is frequently promoted by my responsive and caring parenting.
Apecksha Gurung
Psychologist
Do you believe children learn love and respect from what they observe in their parents’ relationship?
Apecksha: Children learn about love and respect by observing their parents interactions and I believe it because parents are their first and most influential role models, and a loving and respectful relationship between parents provides emotional stability and teaches children that love is safe and disagreements can be resolved respectfully.
Kiran: Children absorb love and respect primarily from observing their parents’ relationship. Whether consciously or unconsciously, parents often become the first role models for their kids. Through their actions and interactions, parents teach values such as respect, love, honesty, and equality. A child who witnesses their mother being ignored or disrespected may internalize the belief that it is normal for women to be treated that way. Similarly, children who see their fathers taking on an authoritative “boss of the house” role might grow up feeling entitled or believing that such behaviour is acceptable. Parents’ actions create a template for how their children perceive and navigate relationships in their own lives. Therefore, the way parents treat each other profoundly shapes a child’s understanding of love, respect, and balance in relationships.
Santos: Children are like sponges, absorbing everything from their surroundings—especially their parents. The way parents express love, resolve conflicts, and treat each other becomes a subconscious template for their children’s future relationships. Just as it is said that we are an average of the five people we spend the most time with, children are a direct reflection of the environment created at home. Whether it’s through daily interactions, small gestures, or unspoken communication, they internalise what they see. As parents, we need to be mindful of how we express love and respect because our children will mirror those behaviours in their own lives.
Astha: Parents spend countless hours trying to discipline their children and instil good habits, yet children ultimately learn more from what they observe than what they are told. They are a reflection of their parents, embodying their values, behaviours, and relationship dynamics—whether consciously or unconsciously. Even when parents attempt to teach their children to be different, if the home environment is unhappy or unstable, it can shape children in ways that make emotional regulation and boundary-setting difficult. This often leads to wounded individuals who may struggle to cultivate and maintain healthy relationships in their own lives.
Pravaran: Yes, family plays a central role in shaping a child’s values, including love and respect. We closely observe our parents’ interactions and often model their relationships based on what they we see at home. I always saw my parents treat each other with kindness, patience, and mutual respect. I observed how they communicated, handled disagreements, and expressed love. The way my parents navigated their relationship sets an example for how I interact with others, especially with my wife and daughter.
Whether consciously or unconsciously, parents often become the first role models for their kids. Through their actions and interactions, parents teach values such as respect, love, honesty, and equality.
Kiran Karki Silwal
Advocate, Children and Parenting
Did your parents openly express love and affection for each other in front of you? How did that influence your perception of love?
Apecksha: Yes, they openly expressed love and affection for each other in front of me and that has always had a good influence regarding my perception of love. The way they tease others and communicate openly respecting one another has often laid the groundwork for my perception where love feels cosy, secure, and organic. Experiencing their love has made me believe that love is about working together, communicating, and caring. However, if emotion is lacking or strained, love may appear distant, conditional, or something to be gained.
Kiran: My parents’ expression of love and affection was subtle, yet deeply meaningful. They didn’t say “I love you” a hundred times, but their actions always spoke louder than words. I still remember my mom sharing how, after her delivery, my dad brought her juice and vitamins, ensuring she was cared for and healthy. He understood her needs without her asking—that was his way of saying, “I love you.” This deeply influenced my perception of love. I learned that love is not about grand gestures or constant declarations; it’s about thoughtful actions and shared responsibilities. True love doesn’t make noise—it’s quiet but powerful. It’s about making someone feel safe, secure, and at peace. It’s the kind of connection that helps you grow into the best version of yourself. If you can’t make someone feel your love, then perhaps it’s not love at all. Love is what you do, not just what you say.
It’s not just about what parents say but how they behave—love and respect should be lived, not just taught.
Santos Pudasaini
Civil Engineer, Vastu Expert
Santos: In our family, love is expressed, but in a way that aligns with our cultural values. Openly showing affection wasn’t a strong tradition, but emotional support, understanding, and care were always present. This shaped my perception of love as something that isn’t always loud but is deeply felt. However, I do believe that expressing emotions more openly can help strengthen bonds. While my family had meaningful conversations about goals, work, and emotions, I sometimes feel we could have delved deeper into personal feelings. This realisation has inspired me to foster more open emotional conversations within my own family, ensuring that love is not just felt but also expressed.
Astha: Oh, how I longed for parents who showed a united front. For most of my early life, I believed my mother and father had a stable relationship. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties—after returning from London—that my perception shattered. As I delved deeper into my mother’s experiences, the reality of their relationship unravelled before me. I had unknowingly built a facade of a happy parental connection, but in truth, my parents lived separate lives under the same roof. It was a classic case of co-dependency, much like in many Nepali households, where women endure overwhelming anxiety and control out of fear—fear of leaving, fear of the unknown, and fear of what society might say. This realization reshaped my understanding of love, making me question whether love should be endured or chosen freely.
Pravaran: My parents had an arranged marriage, and over time, they developed their unique ways of expressing love. Their relationship was filled with small yet meaningful gestures: holding hands, sharing smiles, and supporting one another. It was the cutest thing to see. For example, Dad made the first cup of tea each morning and always accompanied Mum to the airplane door when she travelled alone (he worked in the airport). Despite working full-time, Mum would rush home to surprise Dad with his favourite dishes, Dad would too cook his special dishes for mom. He would often dance out of the blue for her to make her blush. They always saved each other’s favourite “Maasu ko piece” and crossed the roads together.
Do you think your parents’ relationship has shaped your expectations in romantic relationships?
Apecksha: Yes, Of course, it has. A child’s emotional blueprint for relationships is shaped by the emotional atmosphere of the home, which is primarily influenced by the relationship between the parents. My attachment style is greatly influenced by my parent’s relationship, especially throughout my early childhood. I think the main reason for having emotional stability and high self-esteem is typically the result of secure attachment, which is frequently promoted by my responsive and caring parenting.
Kiran: Yes. My dad is very soft-spoken he speaks very little unless he drinks otherwise he only nods his head my mom is very vocal. One piece of advice I have learned from them is if one speaks other needs to listen or shut up. Today we have mobile phones and social media back then 30 years they did not have any means of communication still they kept their love safe and growing so I believe it’s all about trust between each other and one needs to understand the other. My dad’s best way to make my mom happy as he is a very fashionable guy he loves shopping so he loves buying sarees and pieces of jewellery for my mother he still does that.
Santos: Before marriage, I saw how my parents shared love—not just in grand gestures, but in small, everyday moments. Their ability to enjoy each other’s company, laugh together, and maintain a sense of partnership shaped my own expectations. Now that I’m married, I find myself naturally expressing love in similar ways. I’ve come to realize that love isn’t just about words or grand expressions—it’s in the daily habits, the way we support each other, and the silent understanding we share. My parents’ love has deeply influenced me, and I find myself mirroring my father’s affectionate and expressive nature in my own relationship.
Astha: Yes, my parents’ relationship has significantly shaped the way I perceive romantic relationships and beyond. Growing up in an environment of disharmony and misalignment, I struggled to understand what healthy relationship standards should look like. As a result, I became a people-pleaser, desperate for love, and often held on to stagnant relationships out of fear of failure, mirroring my parents’ experience. However, as I’ve grown older—especially now as a mother—I’ve come to realize that love, empathy, respect, and mutual integrity are the true foundations of a meaningful romantic relationship.
Pravaran: Growing up in a loving household, where my parents cared for each other, shaped my expectations in romantic relationships. In our culture, marriage and family are lifelong commitments. I witnessed my parents navigate challenges with understanding and teamwork, leading me to view relationships as partnerships that uplift and respect one another. While romantic gestures keep the spark alive, I believe the emotional connection is paramount. This is what drew me to my wife, who shares my values of emotional connection, family, and commitment.
How important is it for parents to model healthy relationships for their children?
Apecksha: Since children watch their caregivers to learn about love, trust, and how to resolve conflicts, it is crucial that parents set an example of healthy relationships. A child’s expectations of relationships in adulthood are shaped by how parents interact, resolve disagreements, display affection, and respect each other. Children are more likely to develop secure attachment styles and look for similar traits in their own relationships when parents set an example of healthy dynamics. Parents do have disagreements, but how they handle them both during and after has an impact on whether or not their kids will look for good relationships later on. Even though there may be disagreement in the parents relationship, if they show that they can resolve conflicts and communicate well, it can help the child grow up to be emotionally stable and have high self-esteem.
Kiran: Parents must model healthy relationships for their children. As I mentioned earlier, parents are the first role models for their kids, and children absorb what they observe at home. I’ve seen people hesitant to enter relationships because they grew up watching their parents argue and fight constantly. For them, marriage starts to feel like a battleground rather than a partnership. On the other hand, children who grow up witnessing love, respect, and harmony in their parents’ relationship tend to carry those values into their own relationships. If parents want their children to build strong, healthy relationships in the future, they need to set an exemplary standard. It’s like the principle of reaping what you sow—what children see in their parents’ bond is often what they recreate in their own lives. Healthy relationships at home lay the foundation for trust, respect, and love in the next generation.
Santos: Parents play a crucial role in shaping what a healthy relationship looks like. When children see their parents communicate openly, resolve conflicts respectfully, and prioritize each other’s well-being, they develop a strong foundation for their own relationships. A positive parental relationship creates an environment of security and emotional stability, which directly impacts the way children interact with others. It’s not just about what parents say but how they behave—love and respect should be lived, not just taught. When parents express love and happiness freely, it becomes a natural part of the family’s emotional language, influencing not just their children but also the energy of the entire household.
We have been socially engineered to equate compromise with success, often at the cost of personal happiness.
Astha Paudel (Pepperpaudel)
Technology Marketing Specialist
Astha: I’ve come to believe that parents don’t owe their children a model of a ‘perfect’ relationship. What they do owe themselves is the right to live authentically, to be loved and cherished, and to find happiness—whether that means staying in a fulfilling relationship or having the courage to leave a toxic one. A parent who lives unapologetically and prioritizes their well-being ultimately sets a powerful example for their children.
Pravaran: It is crucial for parents to model healthy relationships, as children learn about love, respect, and communication by observing them. Parents’ interactions establish a foundation for how children view relationships, marriage, and conflict resolution. Treating each other with kindness and respect helps children internalise these values, fostering confidence in emotional expression and peaceful conflict resolution. Ultimately, the love parents show not only strengthens their marriage but also provides a positive example for their children’s future relationships.
In what ways do cultural norms and societal expectations play a role in how we view our parents’ relationships?
Apecksha: Cultural standards and societal expectations influence how we see our parent’s relationships by defining what is ‘acceptable’ in a family dynamic. In some cultures, open shows of affection are favoured, whereas in others, love is shown more subtly through action than words. In societies that are collectivist, maintaining family unity may be prioritized over openly discussing disagreements, resulting in more indirect communication approaches. Individualistic cultures, on the other hand, frequently place a greater emphasis on direct dispute resolution and personal expression. Children’s perceptions of love, marriage, and conflict are shaped by these societal factors, which we may internalize as our own relationship styles.
Kiran: Cultural norms and societal expectations often place parents on a pedestal, treating them almost like gods who should always be respected and never questioned. While this teaches children to honour their parents, it can also make kids forget that parents are human too—they can make mistakes and take wrong decisions. This pressure to always be “perfect” can be quite overwhelming for parents. When it comes to relationships, societal expectations often push parents to present a picture-perfect bond, even if their relationship is struggling. Many couples end up faking happiness in front of others to meet these expectations. Unfortunately, children observing this might learn to prioritize appearances over authenticity in relationships, thinking it’s normal to hide problems instead of addressing them. This can lead to unhealthy patterns in how they view and handle their own relationships later in life.
Santos: Cultural and societal norms play a significant role in shaping how we view relationships. In some cultures, open displays of affection are encouraged, while in others, they are reserved or seen as unnecessary. The way we perceive love and relationships is often influenced by what is deemed “appropriate” within our cultural framework. Social norms sometimes make it difficult for people to fully express themselves, as traditions and expectations can create unspoken barriers. However, it’s important to recognize that culture is fluid—we can respect our traditions while also evolving to foster healthier emotional connections. As parents, we must help our children understand these cultural influences and find a balance between respecting societal norms and expressing love authentically.
Astha: In a high-context culture like Nepal, where divorce and even choosing to remain single are often seen as sinful, societal norms play a significant role in shaping our perception of our parents’ relationships. Our culture has long placed the burden of sustaining marriages primarily on women, stripping them of agency while expecting them to revive and endure relationships that may no longer serve them. Many of my peers would agree that a large percentage of marriages from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s are struggling—not because of love or mutual respect, but because of societal pressure to conform. We have been socially engineered to equate compromise with success, often at the cost of personal happiness. Even I find myself grappling with these deeply ingrained expectations.
Pravaran: Cultural norms and societal expectations significantly shape our perceptions of parental relationships. In Nepali societies, family values are paramount, leading to marriage being seen as a commitment to duty and familial harmony. Respect for elders and traditional gender roles influence how affection and responsibilities are perceived within marriage, thereby shaping children’s expectations of relationships. While open displays of love remain limited, many children believe love is shown more through actions than words. Growing up in the progressive city of Kathmandu, I have observed that we express love and affection in more expressive ways.
How did your parents handle conflicts? Did it affect how you approach conflict resolution in your relationships?
Apecksha: My parents handled every conflict by making healthy communication, understanding their differences, and respecting them. My parents forgiving and accepting each other has always taught me that disagreements do not mean love is lost. I have safe and assertive communication skills as my parents positively resolved their issues. On the other hand, children being exposed to undesirable behaviours like emotional withdrawal, avoidance, or yelling can make it harder for them to deal with conflict in later life. In the end, how disputes are handled at home influences how kids handle conflict in their own relationships.
While open displays of love remain limited, many children believe love is shown more through actions than words.
Pravaran Mahat
Communications Specialist
Kiran: My parents always listen to each other during hard times and they choose to talk and always try to find solutions rather than blaming each other today as I am a wife and a mother I follow the same it is a matter of time .things pass away but that time decide how I react what I did and how it passed. Rather than blaming each other just taking things lightly and always looking at the positive side of life “ whenever conflict arises I always make sure to stay strong and have faith in myself and believe I have the power to make things right.
Santos: I witnessed two sides of conflict resolution in my family—sometimes, disagreements were resolved with just a smile, while at other times, discussions were necessary to reach a resolution. What stood out to me was the openness in expressing differing opinions. Instead of avoiding conflict, my parents ensured that disagreements were addressed, teaching me the value of communication. This shaped my approach to handling conflicts in my own life—I believe in discussing issues, seeking different perspectives, and finding common ground. Within my family today, we practice open communication, ensuring that no one suppresses their feelings. This approach not only resolves conflicts effectively but also strengthens our relationships by fostering deeper understanding.
Astha: Growing up, I rarely saw my parents engage in meaningful conversation. Their relationship was centred around responsibilities—cooking, cleaning, paying bills, raising children, and managing health—rather than emotional connection. I don’t think it’s fair to judge their situation, but having never witnessed love between them, I lost faith in relationships. As a result, I tend to expect the worst, catastrophize, and avoid confrontation. At times, I’ve turned to things like shopping as an escape from the anxiety and stress of relationships or even committed to relationships prematurely.
However, I’m now actively working to challenge these patterns and build a healthier, more peaceful life. Without strong parental role models, many of us—myself included—end up learning essential life and relationship skills much later in life. At 30, I’m still figuring things out, but I know growth is a lifelong process.
Pravaran: Growing up, I learned that disagreements are inevitable, but my parents handled them well. They listened to each other, discussed differences calmly, and sought solutions together. Their ability to compromise and prioritise their relationship over egos has deeply influenced my approach to conflict resolution, teaching me that conflicts can strengthen relationships through communication and respect. Their example has instilled in me the confidence to navigate disagreements constructively.
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