Should finances be discussed openly in a relationship?
Alpana: In a relationship, financial matters must be freely discussed.
Siddhartha: Everything should be discussed openly in a relationship, and that includes finances.
Adhish: A relationship is between two partners and being clear about each other’s financial situation is important for collaboration and avoiding unwanted surprises. Making plans together might be really difficult if there’s bad debt involved so being transparent about that is important. It also helps a couple to make plans for the future once they know each other’s financial standings.
Mahima: Definitely, it is one of the most important topics to be discussed and planned between the partners.
How should couples set financial goals? Should couples save separately or always have a shared savings account?
Alpana: Financial goals should be explicitly defined by a couple. To manage their finances based on their financial goals, I think a couple should have both independent and shared savings. In terms of shared responsibilities, they should equally share their finances for things like maintaining their homes, raising children, paying for school, planning trips, and occasionally paying for medical expenses. In essence, a partner is a companion and a relationship that shares and grows through life. Having said that, separate savings is just as crucial to achieving financial independence.
Siddhartha: If you are sharing a life together or are in a serious relationship, you should discuss your hopes and dreams with each other freely. That means financial goals as well. I think it’s important for couples to have a shared vision together – so I would say shared savings is the way to go.
Adhish: A visioning exercise is usually quite helpful. It makes the unknown manageable and sets a path for the couple. It doesn’t leave uncertainties in expectations. One exercise I love is, “backcasting”- for example, setting a goal for ten years from now and then figuring out what needs to happen eight years from now, six years from now, four years from now and so on. This provides a roadmap of manageable targets. Saving depends on what is convenient for the couple; some choose joint accounts, and some choose personal ones with external book keeping. The important thing is to find out what the shared costs are and what are not. It’s important to have an account that your partner can’t touch. Life throws unexpected challenges and sometimes you can’t have all your money tied up.
Mahima: I feel a couple should have at least two accounts between them. One is a current account for shared daily expenses and one for short and
long-term savings where you have a monthly deposit from both which is a certain percentage of their incomes.
“You should always date the kind of person that is compatible with you. If you want the women to pay for dates, date the kind of women who want to do that. If you don’t care about it, date the kind of person who doesn’t care either. The mistake most people make is meeting someone and trying to mould them into what you want them to be.”
SIDDHARTHA GHIMIRE
Food Blogger (Nepal. food)
How do you describe shared financial responsibilities?
Alpana: Shared financial responsibility includes things like managing a shared workplace and career, raising children, paying for healthcare, education, vacations, travel, and social events.
Siddhartha: Shared financial responsibility is where the two of you do your best to create the best life for yourselves. I don’t believe in 50-50, everyone should strive for 100-100.
Adhish: Assets that have a shared ownership require shared financial responsibilities – this could be a pet, a child, or a vehicle. Sometimes even if the asset isn’t acquired together, the responsibilities might still be shared. My partner got a cute dog before we dated, but now its care would be something that could be a shared financial responsibility.
Mahima: By shared it always doesn’t have to be 50-50. It could be X% of your income into the current account from where the monthly expenses are handled. And similarly for the savings account.
If there is a significant income disparity should one person be expected to pitch in more?
Alpana: The partner who makes more money shouldn’t always have to contribute more, in my opinion. Couples should collaborate, contribute and work as a team, and should value, respect and appreciate one another. This fosters a sense of togetherness and team building. This provides a sense of oneness.
Siddhartha: The two people are sharing a life, both people should do their best and strive for 100-100. That may mean someone makes more than the other person but taking care of your partner and making sure they are comfortable isn’t “pitching in”.
Adhish: I think this totally depends on the context that has led to this disparity. If one partner has sacrificed their income generation for a shared goal or something unavoidable, then it could be fair to expect the partner with higher value to pitch in more. However, it’s not always a given. This is a discussion that needs to happen by the couple so that neither is feeling disappointed.
Mahima: Definitely, it should be a certain percent of your income contributing to expenses rather than X amount of money from both partners. Or else it could lead to some serious pressure on the one earning significantly less. Equity over equality.
“It’s important to have an account that your partner can’t touch. Life throws unexpectedchallenges and sometimes you can’thave all your money tied up.”
ADHISH GURUNG
Urban Planner, Communication Specialist & Digital Creator
Who should be the primary earner in the family?
Alpana: I disagree that there should be a primary or secondary earner in the household. Given that it’s a shared future, the partners should equally share responsibilities, grow, and encourage one another every day. Show each other respect and compassion.
Siddhartha: I think the world is way past the rhetoric of traditional gender roles and primary breadwinners.
Adhish: Does it matter? I don’t think so.
Mahima: A relationship always has to be 100%. But money doesn’t have to be 50-50 from both sides always. Sometimes when one partner is not at their best, the other partner should step up and try and fill the void. Sometimes it could be 40-60 and sometimes it could be 80-20. You just have to keep assessing your relationship and work on it together. It is not a gender-based role anymore.
“A relationship always has to be 100%. But money doesn’t have to be 50-50 from both sides always. Sometimes when one partner is not at their best, the other partner should step up and try and fill the void.”
Mahima Singh Malla
Proprietor of The Heritage, Lamakhet
Should women offer to pay for dates equally?
Alpana: As a way to express how much you appreciate your partner as a person and your relationship, why not offer to pay for things and surprise them.
Siddhartha: You should always date the kind of person that is compatible with you. If you want the women to pay for dates, date the kind of women who want to do that. If you don’t care about it, date the kind of person who doesn’t care either. The mistake most people make is meeting someone and trying to mould them into what you want them to be. Let people be themselves and let them go if they are not what you are looking for.
Adhish: I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been on a first date in many years. For my dates with my partner, we used to split the bill in the beginning.
Now, we are not so strict and usually one of us keeps forgetting our wallet.
Mahima: Of course, I think we should put the pressure off of the men that they always have to take care of the bills.
Most women still consider their income to be more personal and a secondary income. What are your views?
Alpana: Since a couple is building their life and future together – of course, without disregarding their financial independence – personal income does not exist in shared endeavours or the future. It’s teamwork. It’s a collaborative effort and teamwork.
Siddhartha: Previously, men controlled the finances so women had no say especially when it came to spending on themselves so this is how relationship finances evolved. But women today have the agency to make money and spend money. It’s all about sharing a life and doing what works for the two of you.
Adhish: I think this probably relates to relationships of the traditional heteronormative type where men were expected to be the main earners in the family. Things are changing and I know plenty of women who are the primary earners for their household. However, I do think every woman ought to have some money personally and carefully tucked away.
Mahima: Gone are those days when one should think so. In a partnership of life, you both have to be contributing equally in terms of finances, time and effort.
“In essence, a partner is a companion and a relationship that shares and grows through life. Having said that, separate savings is just as crucial to achieving financial independence.”
Alpana Bhandari
Attorney-at-Law, CEO & Founder,
Prime Legal Consultants and Research Center
A financial tip that has worked for you as a couple?
Alpana: Supporting each other to grow and thrive financially and emotionally.
Siddhartha: Keeping your partner in the loop, setting joint goals, and open communication.
Adhish: My partner and I make financial decisions together. These decisions impact the couple together so I feel it is important to discuss and decide together as a couple. Now, I think twice and consult my partner before making a large purchase even if I have enough money for it and it’s just for me. It builds trust in partnership knowing that your partner will consult you before making a big decision.
Mahima: Live within your means. Start budgeting by allocating your savings and expenses. At the same time do have your personal savings too.
