Does the “eligible parameters for marriage” like a well-settled man, income package, luxurious home, etc matter to you?
Oshima: Those parameters are definitely a plus point, but as long as I am happy with the man and I see us working together in the future, that’s all that matters to me.
Parisha: I think the main purpose of marriage itself is “security”. Being a woman, there are certain aspects that are important if you are planning to settle down for a lifetime. For me, it is more of the emotional package that matters than the material one. Women have become self-sufficient financially so what matters most is the family you are marrying into. The focus should be in giving and receiving emotional support. If they are willing to support me to be the person I aspire to be, materials shall come easy. Those would be the “eligible parameters” in my case.
Presca: Being independent, I look for someone who can understand the parameters and work on them together. These factors are secondary matters rather than the primary ones; if my partner is willing to do or has a goal that can be matched, I would prioritise that. For me, the parameters are understanding, commitment, and knowledge that play a higher role. I won’t deny the above wouldn’t matter but when someone has these attributes I mentioned, it is inevitable that the person will look for growth. And that matters to me the most: the growth mindset.
Shrija: I have the mindset of independence like fulfilling my own demands and earning my living. However, it is a great idea to have a partner who is ambitious and shares the same mindset. This would work as having a soulmate with the same energy level. Hence, it matters to build our empire together. That is the package I fall for.
Megha: Not really. For me the man should be a self-oriented. Someone who knows how to be a respectful person and knows what hard work is. I will support him at his lowest and grow to become successful together.
Is it important for a man to be career oriented and focused in life?
Oshima: I am very much career-oriented myself. I am the founder of House of Fashion Nepal and own ten ventures under it. So, if a man isn’t ambitious, we definitely won’t be able to vibe. That’s a total turn-off for me.
Parisha: That would be a hard YES. Grow together, glow together is the motto here. I suppose, being career oriented provides security and stability. And in terms of being focused in life, I believe it brings the required emotional maturity into the relationship.
Presca: Love is not predictable and arises from the heart, and it cannot occur from a calculative mind. However, another thing that we need to remember is the sense of completeness for any relationship to be healthy. Someone who is progressive and career-oriented would attract me. I am a focused and ambitious person, and these qualities attract me in a partner.
Shrija: This is 100% important for me as I adore and find it irresistible when a man is career oriented and focused.
Megha: Yes, the biggest turn on for me is when a man has ambitions and goals for his future. I want someone with whom I can build an empire. I don’t care if he starts from scratch, I will be there acting as his backbone until he succeeds.
What role does money play in a relationship?
Oshima: Money is a requirement for sustaining life, but I wouldn’t mind handling the bills. I’ve always been pretty independent, as long as the man I am with is willing to invest, nurture and grow with me, the money quotient will never really be a barrier. I’ll always be in for doing as much as I can from my side.
Parisha: Money quotient is again a very controversial way to put it, but to be fair it does play a major role in any relationship. However, it doesn’t mean that you just go after money; yet seeking some sort of financial comfort and material security shouldn’t be tagged as “gold digging”. Bearing the financial responsibility would not be an issue for me.
Presca: I wouldn’t say it does not matter, but I would want someone who understands money and investment. He must have sound financial ideas rather than just having money. With love and marriage comes setting big-picture financial goals together and smaller and everyday budgeting goals. If the partner understands this, it can help to keep us both stay on track and work together towards a fulfilling future. I guess it is the understanding of money in life rather than just having money.
Shrija: I do not follow the quote “money doesn’t buy happiness” because all our basic to luxurious needs are fulfilled through money. I do not have attachment with currency but I have interests and requirements which are fulfilled through means of money. In a relationship, I love going on dates to great restaurants which serve great cuisine. I love travelling and gaining experiences. Meanwhile, my partner and I split the bill.
Megha: Money plays a vital role in everyone’s life. In my perspective both partners are equally responsible for their own finances and it is important for both to work. One should not be giving the other the burden of anything.
Is societal pressure challenging when it comes to a relationship where the man is less successful than the woman?
Oshima: It is challenging in most cases due to deep-rooted patriarchal ideologies that people carry. Our society itself creates these wrong and unrealistic standards, and when it isn’t fulfilled, it’s very pressurizing.
Parisha: Social pressure of any kind is definitely challenging especially in a traditional and patriarchal society like ours. I think the entire concept of “relationship” is challenging from the get go: age, caste, profession, appearance, family background, etc. All these play a vital role for making or breaking the relationship. So yes, it is challenging when all of these factors come into play. Specifically, when the woman is more successful than the man. In a society that believes that a woman should always be less than a man, it becomes quite an affair. It shouldn’t be as such but it is what it is.
Presca: I find that the importance of one’s goals, dreams, understanding and love matters, rather than someone’s success. If that success is attractive to you, that’s fair. But a relationship cannot be based just on how successful a man is. It is not about competing and comparing but rather about supporting each other. If that support exists, then social pressure should not matter.
Shrija: It is a general issue in our society that when a man is less successful than a woman, they are tagged as “inappropriate couple”. I think it is important to understand that it is not a competition. A relationship is about teamwork and building memories in life together. It does not matter who is more successful. People should understand this.
Megha: Honestly, it depends on the man with whom I choose to be in a relationship. If the man is filled with a crappy mindset that has been passed on through generations of being the financial head of the family and trying to meet the so called “societal standards”, it might result in affecting the ego of a man who can’t handle being inferior to a woman. In such cases, the relationship can be pretty challenging.