Prateek Tuladhar & Tenzin Shrestha
Prateek: Change the ‘me’ to ‘we’: I couldn’t tell you how many times I caught myself saying ‘I’ or ‘me’ instead of ‘us’ or ‘we’. A lot of the things that you wouldn’t associate anyone else with suddenly becomes the norm!
“I need to do my laundry” becomes “we need to do our laundry” or thoughts like “I am hungry, what should I eat?” isn’t just about me anymore!
Not everyone reads minds: Communication is everything right from the get-go! Being suddenly with someone 24×7 means you go through a cycle of emotions together especially right after the wedding when you are probably getting the wedding blues. Being the terrible communicator I am, I quickly realised I need to get better at it; nobody reads minds.
It hits you- You’re old: You fill out that grown-up ‘Spouses Name’ section you previously instinctively ignored on forms. You are having to co-sign loan documents. All the ‘adult’ things you find yourself doing hits you; I am old now.
Tenzin: Saying sorry. You don’t have to be wrong to say sorry. My husband’s love goes beyond his pride. Our arguments usually end with us trying to make up before we go to bed. During our several arguments, I can recall the number of times that my husband has apologised to make me happy in hopes of squashing the argument.
You are important even if he doesn’t give you all the attention. While dating, I realised that there’s a different attention given to you at all times. I got pretty used to having him to myself and having all his attention. When we got married, I came to the realise that in the future, we would each have to work on projects of our own. Just because he is busy and not with me doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me and I am not important. I love him because he works harder for us and our future family.
Food: I love junk food and eating out. My husband is vegan and that healthy kind. My new life will now consist of a lot of Daal Bhaat and no meat. He’s never stopped me from eating what I want but eating alone is never fun. I want to be able to enjoy food together. My body might initially go into shock mode from all the healthy eating but I am down for the challenge.
Dr. Mridusha Shrestha & Dr. Akesh Pradhan
Dr. Mridusha: Together is stronger. Magical union – marriage is about two as one, as ‘we’ instead of ‘me’. It actually feels stronger, us standing together and making up for each other’s weaknesses. Being together is fun.
Marriage offers a profound intensity of spiritual growth, makes you more mature and more responsible.
New normal is to know yourself in a new role as a married person, connecting and getting to know each other more.
Dr. Akesh: Growing stronger together as a couple and building a foundation as a family. Learning to make major purchases together.
Respecting each other’s feelings and decisions.
Shaishab Kishor Shrestha & Aashna Shakya Shrestha
Shaishab: Love and commitment: It is the first thing that I learned on the very next day of my marriage. Marriage is a big decision and you commit to each other through ups and downs, the good and bad. When things are good, commitment is easy but true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life as you have to be supportive of each other in most decisions and make things easier for the other.
Time and Responsibility: Any successful relationship requires quality time together. I learned that it is going to require more time than any other relationship. Similarly, when two different cultural backgrounds are adjusting into a family, it can become a little challenging. I felt the journey can be a little easier if both partners are responsible, help each other and understand each other’s feelings. Previously you were alone but now you are one soul with two different bodies so it is obvious that the responsibility grows.
Expectations and Compromises: Expectation is an obvious thing not only from parents but also from in laws. It is my responsibility to make her happy. I have to create a balance between my partner, my parents and in laws too. Moreover, I learned about compromise. I and my wife have to make compromises to maintain a healthy relationship. Just because you and your partner have a disagreement on a particular issue does not mean that you should dwell only on it and ignore all the other good things. Lastly don’t forget to say “I love you” everyday.
Ashna: When you are young, in love, and in a relationship, you find new ways to make your partner feel special. Your priority changes as you feel he is the only one with whom you feel safe, loved and cared for.
I need his company and he needs mine for everything. I try to be there for him when he wants to talk, listen to him, advice him if required, and take care of his needs. I try to help and support him in any way possible.
There are lots of expectations from each other after marriage, but you are not sure if you are able to meet them. It will take time to know the family as well. But, I will try my best to meet their expectations. It is my responsibility to take care of him and his family as my own
Dr. Medini Shrestha & Manish Shankar Shrestha
Dr. Medini: As a pampered child, I never took my responsibilities too seriously but after marriage I felt a sudden change in myself because now it all depends on me and how I take my responsibilities which in turn will pass on to my future generations.
From being a care free girl who loved to hang out with my girlfriends to a married woman, it is not so easy; too many emotions and good memories.
No more bedside tea from my dad and demanding different meals from mom as I used to do.
Manish: Too many Newari rituals: You have to get married again in the temple the day after the marriage and visit lots of temples.
I was surprised to know that my wife loves our traditional attire and sindoor so we need separate storage space for her sarees.
Wife is always right, and always say yes no matter what it is.
Dr. Anuja Ruwali & Dr. Sharad Prasad Dahal
Dr Anuja: Adjusting to the new surname is a slow process. Everyone expects you to do it instantly but you never quite get used to it.
The fear about new people, new home decreases with time. Having a caring sister in law and loving mother in law sure helps a lot.
Coming back home to him is the best way to end a reasonably stressful busy workday.
Dr. Sharad: Everything is in the best interest of us both. I now take care more about my health. I owe things like sleeping early, avoiding late night snacks, waking up before the alarm, regular bathing to my wife.
In laws are more special than I ever thought they would be. You love them like your own mom and dad and they love you back.
Staying together at home is as fun as going out together.
Riju Shrestha & Rastra Bimochan Timalsena
Riju: From closets to bed to your time schedule, you share everything. It feels like you have just started dating all over again. The honeymoon phase is real and it is amazing. It is an exciting time for everyone involved. Plus a lot of bhojs!
It is not as scary as you’d think. Marriage was a daunting topic for me but it is much easier when you find your person and a family that loves you and accepts you.
Rastra: You’ll not have time to do things that you did prior to marriage, you miss doing those things sometimes but with time we learn to adjust. You start to explore new things, especially things your wife likes, for me it was Korean Hip-hop and RnB which I had never listened to ever. You put on weight. (laughs)