What does a healthy sex life looks like? We get to hear a lot of what not to do and not a lot of what to do. Here are some signs to know if your sex life needs some attention:
If your sex is feeling like a chore, it’s important to ask yourself why it feels that way. Does it feel that way because you feel sex is expected of you or that you expect it of your partner? Does it feel like something you think you should be doing? When something begins to feel like a chore, it’s probably because we have mentally made it into one. Sex, as society portrays it, is made to seem like an extremely sexy event -which it absolutely can be – but what society and media doesn’t tell you is that this requires a lot of communication, intentionality, planning, and messiness. So, if sex is feeling like a chore, talk to your partner. Communication is key to ensure that we find all possible ways to meet both of our needs.
Your sex life feels imbalanced. There is nothing wrong with giving more or receiving more if that is what you and your partner discussed you enjoy doing together and what best meets each of your needs. But if you feel that there is an uneven balance in your sex life, try talking about it and express your needs or wanting to address his needs. Avoiding blaming or making excuses. These conversations might be uncomfortable but remember they are not bad and meant to only improve things between the sheets.
If only one person is always initiating sex, it’s also important to question why. Allowing yourselves to answer honestly will give you both the insight into the other person’s why and make it easier to understand and figure out next steps.
Does sex only mean penetration. Sexual expression comes in many forms and can mean different things to different people. If you or your partner thinks that sex is only about penetration, you should explore other avenues of pleasure such as erotic massages, oral pleasure, sex toys on your own and with your partner. It’s fun, exciting, erotic, and extremely important!
If you are not sure what you want or like, if you are finding yourself unsure of how you enjoy being touched and what kind of pleasure feels good to your body, it’s time to go on a bit of an adventure. Take some time getting to know your body and all the different ways your body responds to pleasure. This will not only be exciting for your personal sexual experience, it will help you better communicate to partners what you like. Which allows your partner to be better lover to you and create a more connected experience.
If only one person is always initiating sex, it’s also important to question why. Allowing yourselves to answer honestly will give you both the insight into the other person’s why and make it easier to understand and figure out next steps.
If you’re too busy for sex, ask yourself these questions: Why am I too busy for sex? What could I take off my plate to prioritise sex? Am I purposefully avoiding having time for sex or genuinely don’t feel like I have the time? Is there anything I’m afraid of? Asking yourself intentional questions could help you get to the bottom of what you’re feeling—because sometimes, even though we exist inside ourselves, we have to dig to discover our own why.
You’re doing the same thing every time. This can happen and there are helpful things to get you and your partner out of a sexual rut. So many factors can play into sex becoming monotonous like your schedule, kids, work, being tired. One of the most important key things to remember in this situation is this: if you and your partner are having monotonous sex, you’re still having sex. Which means each person is showing up because they care. Now, it’s probably time to have a loving conversation about your situation to switch things up.
Solo sex is important for far more reasons than just an orgasm. Having solo playtime is a great way to decompress, allows for personal exploration, and the intentionality we put into better understanding our own bodies will help us feel more confident with sexual partners. Plus—masturbation is just one of the many ways to care for our wellness.
When was the last time you bought yourself something sexy. Time to spice it up and treat your body to something special, something that makes you feel desirable. A massage, sexy lingerie, a new perfume, adult movie, basically whatever works for you!
