When you are having sex, it can be easy to focus solely on your partner and forget that you are supposed to be having fun and feeling good, too.
The art of seduction
Whether it’s a hookup or a longer term partner, the experience of being emotionally pursued, flirted with, and seduced has become a lost art. People may feel more reluctant to text or say something suggestive because of their fear of coming on “too strong” or making things awkward, embarrassing, creepy, or triggering… and understandably so. You may not know everything about your partner’s past sexual experiences, so it can be important to tread carefully. But there are ways to learn about things that may or may not make your partner uncomfortable, like learning if they’re turned on by seduction scenes in films, books, or porn.
Women should spend time in self-pleasure to make sex more enjoyable. Spend quality time masturbating so you can be in control of your orgasm and guide your partner towards better pleasure, say experts. It’s as much about your pleasure as your partner’s pleasure. A lot of times women are more thinking about sex for their partner versus themselves, but sex can be so much better when both of you enjoy yourselves.
Take the focus off of orgasming
Orgasm isn’t the most important part about sex. Pleasure and enjoying yourselves is.Sometimes you can get so in your head about ensuring you and your partner orgasm that you can lose sight of the purpose of sex: pleasure. Orgasms are fantastic, but they aren’t necessarily the goal. Good sex is about communication and connection. Take some of the pressure off yourselves and make the sexual ‘intention’ to explore and find all those other erogenous zones.
Talk about sex
You should be talking about sex before, during, and after the deed. Research suggests that when you talk about sex during sex, you experience higher levels of self-esteem and satisfaction. These conversations don’t have to simply focus on what feels good, either. You should be talking about sex as a noun instead of a verb. So instead of asking about your partner’s fantasies, ask them questions like this: What does sex mean to you? How important is sex to you? How often do you want to have sex? How do you want to feel before, during, and after sex. Don’t just talk about fantasies. Talk about what sex means, how important sex is, and what you want from sex.
While most people consider anticipation to be the sexy tease that eventually leads to a big climax, that’s not entirely true. Anticipation is not the precursor to pleasure. Anticipation is pleasure. If you go straight for the goods, you will both miss out on this important stage of pleasure. In other words, it’s important to take your time.
Experiment with edging
Bringing yourself to the brink of an orgasm can intensify the anticipation and make sex last longer. Edging often refers to working yourself up right to the brink of orgasm several times without allowing yourself to go over the edge and actually climax. It’s similar to building anticipation, but on a larger scale. Orgasms may feel more powerful as you delay their onset.
Get comfortable in your own skin
Body image is contagious. If you’re comfortable in your body, your partner is more likely to enjoy theirs. If you are self-conscious, it can make them feel self-conscious, too. While it’s far more easier said than done, taking the first step in cultivating a positive body image can be a revolutionary act of self-love, better sex is just the cherry on top.
Lube can really help women who may have trouble getting wet and makes sex enjoyable for all parties involved. Lube makes sex wetter, better, hotter, and more exciting and varied. It also ensures that sex isn’t painful, because it subs in for your natural lubricants, which aren’t always enough to get things going.
Giving is great, but when it comes to sex, the performative element of giving can detract from the experience of pleasure. We are so concerned with making sure our partners think we’re having a good time, that we don’t actually give ourselves the chance to have a good time, too.
The easiest way to change this dynamic, is by receiving pleasure without apology. So if something your partner is doing feels really good for you, allow yourself the opportunity to enjoy that feeling without being concerned about whether or not they’re also experiencing pleasure.
Express pleasure profusely
If you’re someone who gets a release from moaning, don’t silence yourself.
Do not stifle your sounds or hold your breath. We tend to do both of these things when we are nervous, but doing so not only hinders your own sexual response, but can cause your partner to tense up as well. It’s also an indicator that you’re holding back, which neither you nor your partner should want. So while you shouldn’t put on a performance just to put on a performance, if you’re someone who gets a release from moaning, don’t silence yourself.