In a world that demands you having to show up in your best version every single day, slip ups are seen as a weakness. We have been conditioned to see success in definite terms of money, power and fame. People around you strive to conform you to their standards, their ideas and belief systems. And sometimes it gets too hard.
When you really sit with yourself , you often think about the things that truly matter to you. The things on your list that you one day want to get done. The things that you ‘believe in’ inside of you and the things that you have pushed to a corner of your heart putting others first.
If this resonates with you, read on to learn from an exceptional panel of people about SELF LOVE and the idea of putting yourself first, and no, it doesn’t mean you are being selfish.
Lisa Alessandra Gautschi
Holistic Therapist, Director of the Isha Institute
I see self love as a life-long practice, something that evolves with time. As I grow and change so do my needs, my priorities and my responsibilities; so does my body, my mind and my heart. Through all of those life changes – within and around me – my task is to keep self love a constant. When I practice self love, I am of better service to myself and to others.
Self love has several ingredients: self-awareness, appreciation, fierce acceptance, self respect and self responsibility. I love a spa day, and am all for pampering. But truly, on a day to day basis, several times a day, I check in with myself and ask: “What am I feeling? What am I thinking? How am I doing?” Whatever is going on, whether it’s good or awful, I sit with it. Rather than fix it away, I stay with myself. If its joy I am feeling, I let myself soak up all the goodness. If it’s a difficult thought or feeling I am experiencing, then I put my hands on my belly and tell myself “I know this is hard for you. I am here with you.”
I do my best to treat myself – my body, my mind, my heart – with respect. That includes speaking about myself and others with humility and respect, rather than resorting to negative self talk or gossip, no matter how tempting that is.
To remember and accept that I am part of this amazing, awe-inspiring matrix of life, is the ultimate self love.
Rather than blame others, I do my best to take ownership of my feelings and experiences. I feed myself good foods that make my taste buds and my body happy. I move, dance, breathe and spend time outdoors – things that make my body tingle with energy.
I have learnt that my connections – friendship, romantic, familial, professional – are a good indicator of how much love and respect I am showing myself and others. I am careful to surround myself with solid, good people, who are supportive and who invite me to support them.
Every morning, I look in the mirror, and say to myself, “I love you just as you are. You are a beautiful being. You are love and you are loved.”
At the end of every day I pause and give thanks. I pray and speak words of gratitude for whatever happened that day. Sometimes that’s simply that I am still standing, or that the sun was shining, that I had a most delicious cup of chiya. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. I give thanks to life. Truly, I am in awe of the life force that created me, that flows through me and that sustains me through thick and thin.
To remember and accept that I am part of this amazing, awe-inspiring matrix of life, is the ultimate self love.
Bahar Kumar
Strategic Advisor, Nepal Communitere
Self love is simply accepting myself for who I am in this very moment. As humans we are dynamic, constantly changing and evolving. As a woman I know I am continuously transforming – physically and emotionally – moving in and out of different roles in life, different spaces and experiences. What keeps me grounded is embracing and accepting myself through all of those different seasons. So that means, loving the few extra kilos I pack on in the winter months while I am hibernating, not fussing about dying my hair to hide the numerous gray strands, and giving myself the gift to stop and honour my breath. I have recently started practicing Pranayama breathing every morning and it has significantly increased the love and compassion I have not only for myself but for others as well. It’s amazing.
I found that going through life being apologetic and silent was exhausting. It was easier for me to live life with integrity and honesty which resulted in a much greater sense of self.
As women, we tend to be “people pleasers” not wanting to offend anyone else or come across as being rude or “too smart”. I found that going through life being apologetic and silent was exhausting. It was easier for me to live life with integrity and honesty which resulted in a much greater sense of self. My kiddos laugh at me because I am constantly complimenting myself…“Wow I did such a good job; I have this great idea; Isn’t this the best dinner ever!” But I want them to grow up being surrounded with these positive self affirmations. We are so self critical and hard on ourselves that it’s important to feel good about who we are and what we do. So I shamelessly smile when my eight year old says, “Mom I don’t need anyone to teach me how to dance, and I have already got all the moves!” She’s learnt to dance to her own beat and that’s all that really matters to her.
Indra Gurung
Chief Visionary Coach & Entrepreneur
I honour myself therefore the world honours me. Self-love is loving everyone and everything by accepting the universal law of “we are one”. It is the highest form of spiritual practice where a person respects his/her time and energy and accepts themselves as they are.
Self-love and self-acceptance invites happiness and bliss in life. One of the first step towards self-love is validating ourselves. In order to love and accept oneself, one has to raise their vibration, worthiness and energy to a higher level. Self-love acts like a bridge between fear and trust. In order to reach the destination of self-love, we should accept the changes that come in our life; both the old ones, and the new ones. We need to gratify ourselves with all the emotional, physical and mental necessities we once sought after in others.
Self-love and self-acceptance invites happiness and bliss in life. One of the first step towards self-love is validating ourselves.
I practice self love and self acceptance by embracing the five mantras. 1. I love and accept myself. 2. I am open to the world around me. 3. I spend my time and energy wisely. 4. I am the priority, along with others. 5. I am worthy of everything that is coming to me.
Once these positive affirmations are programmed in people’s sub-conscious mind, it releases positive vibrations which attract more love and acceptance in life.
Sajal Pradhan
Entrepreneur & Sustainability Professional
Self-love is probably a more appetisable term synonymous to self-acceptance. You can’t love yourself all the time but even at those times, you can accept that there are moments when you don’t have a high regard for yourself – and that’s okay.
From what I have observed, self-acceptance is the result of a practice of honesty, to yourself. For example, sometimes when I feel incompetent in conversations I do not understand, I try to make unbiased assessments of the situation. Am I incompetent? In the said topic, yes, that is most likely true. But why should I feel bad about being less learnt on something? For most of us, there are far more topics we know nothing of, than there are that we do. Perhaps that insecurity has something to do with the notion that schooling has instilled in us, that success is in knowing things rather than not. Realising that these feelings are more the result of a learnt social metric rather than an inherent lacking gives me consolation and clarity to deal with its emotional repercussions.
You can’t love yourself all the time but even at those times, you can accept that there are moments when you don’t have a high regard for yourself – and that’s okay.
I usually find safe space in rationalising situations with such reflection. However, there are times when I’d prefer being consoled by a friend because I need their external validation as source material for internal validation. Or if I am too busy with work, I’d initially simply avoid thinking about it altogether (denial). There are no bad coping mechanisms; they were all created by you to protect you. I try to remember that and give myself the same kindness I would unto a friend.
Shisir Khanal
Founder/CEO, Nitishala
Advisor, Tulsipur Sub-Metropolitan City
Co-Founder, Pick and Drop
Co-Founder, Teach For Nepal
Self love to me means being able to accept myself with my strength and weakness; with all my flaws and shortcomings as they are.
Growing up one of the consistent comment I heard, as a child at home was, “dhanga chhaina,” – one without any skill to do things. Born in a small village in Tanahun, by grade two, I was put into a boarding school in Chitwan, where the only thing that mattered was studying and excelling at class, which I did. Clearly I learnt very little of life skills that would be useful at home or for a rural life.
All of us, as we grow up, hear different commentaries – often about not being good enough. These commentaries can range from skin complexion, “Kasto Kale/Kali;” “not good at studies,” “Kasto kaam nalagne,” – “worthless.” Even when some of these comments are meant to provide input to lead a better life as expected from society, they tend to leave very deep imprint on a child’s psychology and becomes part of self identity. We internalise such comments as part of our self and carry it through our adult life. We often make conscious and unconscious effort to ‘compensate’ for such ‘shortcomings.’ But our effort to compensate comings often from the place of ego – where we either seek to appease and seek approval from people around us or get into a tendency where we rebel thinking, “I will show them.”
I do not have intentional practice around self-love or acceptance but through practice of meditation, contemplating and reading of spiritual books and listening to talks of spiritual masters, I have come to see that what I hold as true is just a perceived understanding of myself.
As I reflect back on my life, I find many of my life choices and life decisions were guided by one or the other of such motivations. But unfortunately, because such choices of seeking either approval or rebelling is about meeting ‘someone else’s expectations, we get into a vicious cycle of never being able to meet such expectations which then leads to a cycle of self-recrimination, self-doubt and feeling of unworthiness.
As I grew older and through my work and practice, reflection of my own life and through my work with many young people, listening to their life stories, learning from their challenges and my challenges – I find we are all on the same boat. At heart, we yearn for love, respect and acceptance. I have come to see my own life and most of us, constantly live in fear and desire to seek approval of people and society around us. We so dearly and strongly hold on to other people’s opinion and expectations inside us that it becomes us. All our so called ‘shortcomings’ becomes something that we want to get rid of. We push really hard to get away from them, only to find that they keep on recurring.
I do not have intentional practice around self-love or acceptance but through practice of meditation, contemplating and reading of spiritual books and listening to talks of spiritual masters, I have come to see that what I hold as true is just a perceived understanding of myself. Thus, I am learning to let go and accept that who I am is just a product of my own life experiences and environment that my life evolved in. And they aren’t true but part of changing nature. This isn’t a lifelong process.
I also find strength in gratitude and in counting my blessings. When I look at my life, when I think I have had the worst, I can now look through my life and see that I have had one of the most privileged life. This realisation keeps me going.
And, the love of friends and family – ultimately their ability to love me despite me, allows me to accept myself more.
Yulia Koirala
Founder & Director, Sushila Arts Academy
The journey to self love starts from self-acceptance. For me, self love is accepting ourselves as we are, inclusive of all our positive and negative parts. It is about feeding our minds and hearts with positive insights and valuing our self-existence. Self-love does not signify mitigation of inner demons. There are inner demons but one needs to struggle enough to convert it into something worth.
Over the years I have learnt to live in the present and appreciate what’s in the platter rather than contemplating what is not there.
Demons have their own kinds. Sometimes it’s the anger enraged to you by someone else, the other times it could be the fears brought by unconventional scenarios in your head. All these demons bring you uncomfortable feelings disrupting your inner peace and happiness.
I practice a breathing pattern that eases my battle with these demons. Accepting your insecurities is the next step towards the destination of self-love. It’s natural to lose control when things don’t go as per the plan. Over the years I have learnt to live in the present and appreciate what’s in the platter rather than contemplating what is not there.
Swami Aatmo Neerav
International Meditation Teacher, Osho Tapoban
As a seeker on the path of spirituality you know our main objective is to dissolve the self so it’s a very paradoxical situation because it is only possible through “self love”. For me at this point of my life self love means being absolutely authentic to my inner being, my true nature. But we are so cluttered with our thoughts, identities, emotions and conditionings that we don’t even have the clarity of what really is my true nature. That’s why meditation is my way of practicing self love. It de-clutters all the unnecessary garbage and brings me closer to my individual clarity.
Once you start listening to your being, self loving can be very simple. I enjoy nature, writing, making graphic illustrations and art, doing yoga, travelling, being in company of amazing people, reading Osho or being in Satsang of my guru Swami Anand Arun, these are my ways of self love.
Once you start listening to your being, self loving can be very simple.
Acceptance is a compassionate process. Only when you are compassionate to yourself and accept your own flaws, your fears and your shortcomings you are able to understand and accept others. I keep forgiving myself and try my best not to judge others. It needs great maturity of consciousness to be accepted but we keep missing because we have been taught from our very childhood to be judgmental, to have opinions, and to see things through the lens of our conditionings. So it is an everyday practice of awareness.
I get to see Swami Anand Arun very closely and how he is so embracing and accepting of all kinds of people and situations and it’s a great lesson for me. My tantra teacher Ma Krishna Radha also played a great role in teaching me to accept life in its wholeness and not in fractions of our personal choices. And the ultimate acceptance is of death, every day I try to prepare myself for it so that I can happily embrace it when it comes.
Indira Joshi
Singer & Nepal Idol Judge
Those who love themselves, value themselves, can only love others. You need to have it in your heart, your cup should be full, it should be spilling out if you wish to share it with somebody else.
Also confidence is the key, you are who you are, accept yourself first. Because you tend to project who you are while you present yourself to others. A happy heart attracts happiness. A happy person can create happy surroundings. So, love yourself and accept who you are. It only comes with practise.
Those who love themselves, value themselves, can only love others. You need to have it in your heart, your cup should be full, it should be spilling out if you wish to share it with somebody else.
Sameera Uddin
Director, Retail Nepal & Exotic Food
Committee Chair, Zonta Club of Kathmandu
Self love means being who you are. Accepting the way you are. Being comfortable in your skin, confident about your achievements and what you could achieve. Usually the term” self love” is misread as “selfish” which is actually the opposite. I think only when you are able to love yourself you are happy and that happiness within reflects on everything you do in life and the way you understand love and treat others.
One of the practices of self love which I swear by is the confidence of being who I am. This confidence doesn’t come easy. It comes along with lifetime of experiences.
I am learning every day to love myself a little more. I am learning from the younger generation who know what they exactly want. One of the practices of self love which I swear by is the confidence of being who I am. This confidence doesn’t come easy. It comes along with lifetime of experiences. And there comes a time when it all starts making sense. When we know and understand the true value of self love and actually start living it. Our society, especially women never prepare us for that. We are always taught to keep ourselves last. With time things are evolving and we, women have come a long way.
Jyotsna Yogi
Artist
Self love is something that is unique to each person. The definition of self love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.” To me, it simply means: being aware of how you are feeling and what makes you feel better. And no two people are the exact same when it comes to what makes them happy.
Self love is about recognising and affirming myself for who I am intrinsically. Who I am intrinsically is not based on my appearance or even my abilities; instead it is who I am, my character.
Caring for oneself like you’d care for your own child or parents or puppies, is self love. Living with design and purpose is self love. Having coffee is self love. Caring enough about yourself to take your mental and physical health into account is self love.
Self love is about recognising and affirming myself for who I am intrinsically. Who I am intrinsically is not based on my appearance or even my abilities; instead it is who I am, my character. It’s been a long journey to where I am now on the self love scale, and every time I heal different aspects from my past, the level goes up.
Self love means self awareness; the more I love myself, the more ‘checked in’ I feel. Doing things that I love and indulging in my own activities has helped me grow and made me feel better. I feel this is my way of practicing self love by keeping the positive flow going and acknowledging the negative as to balance the moment.
Being in my own zone, feeling content over things I have, feeling excited for the things I work on, having a guilt free day off in sickness, finishing that tub of ice cream, basically accepting and cherishing my life for the way it is, is my way of self love.
