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NEW TO BDSM, HERE’S WHAT TO KNOW

by wowmagazine

Post Fifty Shades, it is unlikely that you don’t know about BDSM. But if you are contemplating about experimenting to add that touch of kink and erotica to your sex life, there are a few things you should know. While investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, this kind of play is ultimately about you, your partner, and consensual power exchange, and definitely not about control or aggression. Below are a few things to think about:

Talk through your interests and boundaries. When we talk about dominance and submission in BDSM, we are talking about consensual power exchange: That means that even if a submissive partner is tied up and allowing the dominant partner to dictate what happens in a scene, the terms have been discussed and agreed upon by all partners beforehand. In fact, the sub can even be thought of as the one in control, since it’s the dominant partner’s responsibility to always respect their limits. Before trying anything new, talk it over with your partner to make sure you’re both into whatever’s about to go down.

Try out some dirty talk. Ask your partner to talk dirty to you. Anyone can engage in dirty talk related to BDSM themes, whether you are dominant, submissive, or both (someone who plays both roles is referred to as a switch). Dirty talk allows you to express your desires. Verbal cues also help you visualize hot fantasies. Dirty talk lets you explore fantasies before physically trying them.

Use a blindfold. Adding sensory deprivation to your sex life is an easy and tantalizing way to build tension. When you temporarily subtract stimuli from one sense, you can heighten others: For instance, when you can’t see because you’re wearing a blindfold, a whisper in your ear or the taste of your partner’s mouth may seem all the more intense — and exciting. Depending on what role you want to play, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold them. Once the blindfold is on, the partner not wearing it can tease and tantalize the wearer, leaving them guessing what’s coming next by kissing all over their body, whispering dirty talk into their ear, or tickling erogenous zones with a feather.

Orgasm control. Especially when done to a person with a penis, is usually referred to as “edging.” This involves bringing someone nearly to orgasm and then abruptly stopping the stimulation, then repeating as desired. If you’re new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the end reward that much sweeter. You don’t have to have any sort of rigid edging routine to explore orgasm control: If you’re the submissive partner, simply relax and give your dominant partner permission to take your orgasm into their hands. Have them use their mouth or a sex toy to bring you close to climax, stopping right beforehand. When you can’t wait any longer, let them help you cross the finish line and enjoy most intense orgasm you have had in a while.

Massage candle. Candles are useful for more than just creating mood lighting. They can also be used for temperature play, or using hot and cold to provoke arousal during sexual play. You can have a partner drizzle hot wax on your body, but don’t just use candles you picked up from the grocery store: The wax from those can be a little too hot. Companies make massage candles designed for sex, in erotic scents. These sex-specific candles burn at lower temperatures than most conventional ones and also melt into luxurious oil that you can use for erotic massage.

Learn the ropes.Restraint is the crux of many BDSM scene. After you and your partner discuss what activities are on the table when one of you is tied up (spanking, nipple biting and oral sex ) and what’s off-limits (maybe you are not too keen on spitting or face slapping), the tying can begin. There are many great books out there to teach you some basic knot-tying skills, such as The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, but you don’t have to get fancy; just make sure the knot or tie is something you can undo when you are ready. You can buy some specialty bondage rope or even use a scarf or a bathrobe tie.

Handcuffs. These are another common restraint tool, and they tend to be quite user-friendly. While ropes are highly versatile, you don’t have worry about your tying skills with handcuffs, and since you can also use cuffs to ensure the submissive partner is unable to touch themselves, they are handy for experimenting with orgasm denial.

Play dress-up. Role-playing can help you get into a kinky mood as you take on the personas of people with power dynamics you want to explore, such as a boss and secretary or student and professor. Dressing up is a creative, liberating way to explore hidden desires, so if you’re turned on by being dominant or submissive with your partner but feel a little nervous, the right outfit could help.

*BDSM is not for everyone and this article is not to promote the idea but as information and ways that it can be practiced safely.  

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