Pregnancy often comes with immense physical and emotional changes. The priority is always on delivering a healthy baby while taking care of yourself. After delivery, the body changes are sometimes hard to deal with as women grapple with their new role as a mother, feeling undesirable, some find it difficult to reconcile with work, while others deal with the urge to go back to looking the way you did nine months before. For working mothers, getting back to work comes with the guilt of separation from the baby and the pressure of learning to create work life balance all over again. There are some who become over protective moms, some who get stressed, tired and irritable being unable to manage emotions, and some who just ace it all.
In this edition of WOW, we talk to six beautiful young mothers – many of whom are known public personalities – about some of the challenges of becoming a mother and what they did to ease this journey.
ASHLESHA RANA
Makeup Artist
How has your body changed after giving birth and how did you deal with postpartum body changes?
I tried to go into my pregnancy with an open mind. No expectations. But I am not the most patient person as I slowly lose control of my body, especially after being put on bed rest at 27 weeks after being hospitalised. Watching my body change in front of my eyes was an insanely crazy experience. Everything changed from my hips to my breasts, my shoe size, and my clothes size with an ever-increasing bulge. It is toxic to compare and place unnecessary pressure on ourselves, but we do it nonetheless. Losing control of your body goes part and parcel with knowing that only a mother can do this, and create new life. Ultimately one realises that our bodies can do this and that even though I may never look the same again, having a baby is going to bring so much more joy to my life than having a bikini-fit body. Which I might have one day again, but if that happens or not, it doesn’t matter.
How important was it for you to get back into shape?
As a new mom, you are put through a whirlwind of physiological and psychological stress. And even though I was eager to get back to exercise as soon as possible, after cesarean, it was also important for me to rest. I ultimately want to get back to my old self, but I am not putting any pressure on myself. I will when I want, and I will when I can. PS: one doesn’t have to have the oiliest Nepali sutkeri food postpartum, you can do bits and bots of what suits you on your own terms and still lactate.
Did you have mixed feelings returning to work life after giving birth?
Returning to work was a milestone for me as a new mother. I always had a very strict work ethic that I inherited from my mother. And I cherished the thought of going back even the day after I stopped working and was put on bed rest. As a small business, I had the luxury of working on my own terms, and I started three months to the date after my delivery. Getting back to work gave me a feeling of being myself again, and having that sense of freedom and independence, both mentally and financially.
To any new mothers out there, do not stress. It is a process and it will happen: your body knows what to do, and stress is a mental block that will actually deter it.
Thoughts on breastfeeding
First, and foremost to any new mothers out there, do not stress. It is a process and it will happen: your body knows what to do, and stress is a mental block that will actually deter it. Just think of it like this: If I can produce milk, fine! If I cannot, that’s fine too. There are so many babies that don’t get to have their mother’s milk and they’re completely fine. In my own experience, I thought breastfeeding would just naturally happen. It did not. It took time and effort. And people will scare you about ten different things. If you don’t evacuate the milk properly, your breast ducts could get blocked, and so on. A week later, after much patience and practice with the baby, and with pumping, I could sustain my baby on my own. That feeling is so empowering, I am a mamma and I am feeding my baby my milk: this is amazing. But keep in mind Formula is a good thing, it’s your back up and there is nothing wrong if you cannot breastfeed. If you can breastfeed and it’s easy, that’s wonderful, but it’s not the end of the world if you cannot. YOU are you, and not anyone else; your experience will be unique to you. Second, I would advise any new mother to talk to an expert. Talk to your OB/GYNO or a lactation consultant. Talk to new moms, talk to other moms, and just keep getting as much information as you can. Along with shopping for the cutest little clothes for your bundle of joy, keep reading about breastfeeding, so you are more prepared and confident. And finally, never hesitate to ask for help.
Emotional adjustments after giving birth
I feel like I know my baby more than anyone else, maybe that will change later but I still cannot leave my baby for more than a few hours at a time. I love her more than anyone else. I know her cues; I know she is hungry, happy, or moody. Over time you realise that is why your mother was so protective, it was the love that made them so. So being a cool mom after having your own baby goes out of the window.
Bonding with your child
The bond with your child is something, I cannot explain at this time. It was not something that just snapped into place, it was a process from finding out that I had conceived to growing, adjusting, and talking to someone you have not even seen but someone that is going to change everything forever, not just my waist size! I don’t know if Sitara recognised me straight away but I feel like she did. But 45 to 55 days later, I know she could tell exactly who I was, the way she looked at me was so hard to describe, it was magic.
SURAKCHYA ADHIKARI
Co-founder & COO, Thulo.com
How has your body changed after giving birth and how did you deal with postpartum body changes?
My body has changed drastically after delivery. For more than a year, I felt very uncomfortable around the scar as I was operated on. Constant backaches were another pain. Talking about my body size, initially, I got vibes from people that it was impossible to get back to my original body size. Thankfully, I managed to have a positive mindset as my sister got back to her original body size and in fact, she was more fit than before. I somehow got that motivation from her; else the energy around me was really draining my confidence. I gradually started walking 15-20 minutes per day which made things better. My mom helped me with an oil massage for my backache. It really helped.
How important was it for you to get back into shape?
When I reflect, I think some mild level of pressure was there but it was created by me. I wanted to get back into my original size by following a healthy routine. Especially when your clothes don’t fit you, you start feeling it (laughs). Jokes apart, I think some amount of pressure is okay as it drives your energy to become fit and healthy again.
Did you have mixed feelings returning to work life after giving birth?
As I run my own business, I had to get back to work really early. I actually attended a virtual meeting within a week of my delivery. So, I didn’t take any maternity leave as such. Yes, the work pressure was a bit less and thankfully I had the luxury of working from home. On the positive side, Covid actually helped me be productive throughout my pregnancy and postpartum too. Honestly speaking, work-life balance during the first year was difficult. It is gradually getting better as my little one is stepping into his third year very soon. Still, the challenges are there and there is so little time for you. At work, I have prioritised and only take upon responsibilities that really need to be done by me. This actually is an advantage for an entrepreneur who tries to do everything. With limited time, I have identified my priorities in my business tasks. My professional involvements are diverse which makes it very challenging for me, but it is manageable. At home, I try my best to stay away from digital distractions so that I can spend more time with my child. My husband and my parents have been very supportive all the way.
Thoughts on breastfeeding
Successful breastfeeding is a huge goal unless you crack it. It takes time and guidance to learn the proper way of positioning the baby. I remember breaking down after being unable to breastfeed initially. This experience makes you feel inadequate when it doesn’t click naturally. A very patient lactation consultant guided me a number of times and finally, I succeeded. The first tip would be to try, try and keep trying until you crack it because breastfeeding is possible for every woman. I have seen a lot of times mothers give up too soon. Secondly, unless you begin breastfeeding successfully, feed the baby with a spoon. I suggest never feeding them with a bottle as once the baby gets used to bottle feeding, it will be even harder to make them latch to their mother’s milk.
One of the most common myths is that an expecting mother needs to eat for two which actually has no medical evidence and if done, can result in heavy weight gain and complications later during the pregnancy.
Emotional adjustments after giving birth
On top of the newborn situation, it was Covid time which made my mommy heart skip a beat whenever anyone touched him. I was distressed to the core, I must say. Most of my resting time would go researching the internet about the caretaking of an infant. The slightest symptom of anything would be a nightmare. Also, these are the times when new moms feel lonely as nobody seems to exactly understand their feelings for their baby. When I reflect now, I think new moms are overwhelmed with a flood of emotions and it is natural to feel that way; after all, we carried our babies within us for the longest time. In my opinion, it is important for families to understand this and be clear with visitors on simple precautions such as washing your hands before touching a newborn, not kissing a newborn, etc.
Bonding with your child
When we are together, I am a kid. He keeps running around the house all the time and I let him be himself as much as possible and accompany him. I try my best not to control his actions during playtime to nurture his curiosity. We co-sleep now, giving his cot a break and I love the cuddles and warmth. As they say ‘they are only little once. I just try spending time with him whenever possible and he sticks to me, so it works.
Myths around pregnancy that need to break
One of the most common myths is that an expecting mother needs to eat for two which actually has no medical evidence and if done, can result in heavy weight gain and complications later during the pregnancy. This belief can be physically and mentally stressful for pregnant women and should be really talked about and tackled. Another myth that needs to be confronted is that one should not exercise during pregnancy, which is untrue. Gentle and regular exercises are actually beneficial for the mother and the baby. Doctors actually suggest 20-30 minutes of physical activity in a day.
ZENISHA MOKTAN
Entrepreneur
How has your body changed after giving birth and how did you deal with postpartum body changes?
Drastically, inside and out. There’s nothing to ‘overcome’ physically once you appreciate your body for supporting you bring your babies to life, nurture them and continue to support them day in and day out. To ensure I took care of my body, I nourished it with superfoods, pampered it with massages, and strengthened it with workouts.
How important was it for you to get back into shape?
I have not really been a body-conscious person and that has nothing to do with motherhood. I like to feel strong and look good but not “stereotypically”. But yes, social media can be pretty harsh and mean comments about the extra weight always popped in every now and then and they’d piss me off.
Did you have mixed feelings returning to work life after giving birth?
I did, with my first baby. It took over a year to get back to work and that too just part-time. I do have the luxury to manage my timing and take on just a few tasks at a time, so I make full use of that and spend as much time as possible with the kids. With my second child, I am still on my maternity break, I work freelance and mostly virtually, so I am 100% mommaing right now.
Thoughts on breastfeeding
Breastfeeding was the most difficult part of the entire process from getting pregnant to being pregnant then delivery, postpartum, body issues, work etc. My tip is to keep at it no matter how difficult it is, till it gets better. That’s what I did and I breastfed my first for almost three years and my second is still exclusively breastfed.
My kids are my world, we share the most magical bond of a mother with her offspring. I am their safe haven, their comfort zone, and their home. They are my wonderland, my heaven, and my home.
Emotional adjustments after giving birth
A new mom can have extreme emotions from not wanting anyone to touch her baby to not wanting to touch the baby herself. You never know how she is feeling. I’d say extend support politely, don’t give unsolicited advice, don’t pass judgment, be empathetic, validate her feelings, and don’t make unnecessary comments about the baby. As long as you are kind and show love and respect, it’ll be good.
Bonding with your child
My kids are my world, we share the most magical bond of a mother with her offspring. I am their safe haven, their comfort zone, and their home. They are my wonderland, my heaven, and my home.
Myths around pregnancy that need to break
If one doesn’t have scientific reasoning for anything, it’s best to not discuss it based on “hamro pali ma ta estai thyo”. All myths around pregnancy, childbirth, post-pregnancy, and while raising a child can be unsolicited and unnecessary to a new mom, just adding pressure, so be careful what words you choose to share.
NISHA ADHIKARI MALLA
Actor, Filmmaker & TV Presenter
How has your body changed after giving birth and how did you deal with postpartum body changes?
To create a human being is an evolution in itself. The physiological changes after giving birth shouldn’t be considered scars on our bodies and mind. Instead, we must choose to build better health, focus on our mental well-being, and make the best version of ourselves. After giving birth I was mentally, emotionally and physically drained, it took me almost three-four years to feel myself again. When it comes to the postpartum body, we only emphasise our body but little did we shift our focus on other aspects like mind and emotional well-being. The truth is motherhood changes you inside and out. And it’s important to cope with changing your daily routine with your baby which is mentally and emotionally challenging. 80-85% time I solely handled my baby.
How important was it for you to get back into shape?
Absolutely. It was because of my profession as well. People were constantly asking me questions about my work and career and whether I’ll bounce back or not. I felt the pressure indeed. Realising that raising a baby is an important activity in terms of creating a responsible global citizen is crucial. Irrespective of whatever narrative one portrays toward you, do not victimise yourself. These changes in my life will bring me back to ground zero and revive my thoughts and emotions. While I started receiving help from professionals, psychologists, and parent coaching. I’ve been walking toward the path of internal and spiritual growth as my child and I grow together as human beings.
Did you have mixed feelings returning to work life after giving birth?
I had just started working after my pregnancy but Covid took over. After two years gap, I am back to work now. I am starting my own podcast and own a production company. But if I have to take a project on hand, I am very picky as my whole world revolves around the baby.
I raised my baby solely 80-85% time. I had my me time when my baby used to play with the family members.
Thoughts on breastfeeding
Breastfeeding doesn’t necessarily have to be natural. A new mom shouldn’t feel the pressure of getting it right firsthand. Personally, it was difficult and painful for me to breastfeed for 1-2 weeks. You should make sure that you have got a support system and own the mindset that everything is temporary. Every pain will go away and you’ll be strong again.
Emotional adjustments after giving birth
Yes, the emotions are fierce indeed. But in my case, I raised my baby solely 80-85% time. I had my me time when my baby used to play with the family members.
Bonding with your child
The bond is like an origin of a river, the flow unstoppable and it keeps pouring over and over. The love that you have for your child is never going to end just like the river. This is the least reflection that I can think of about sharing a bond with my child. It’s an indescribable feeling and words aren’t enough to share the bond of a mother and a child.
MALVIKA SUBBA
Media Personality
How has your body changed after giving birth and how did you deal with postpartum body changes?
During my pregnancy, I put on 28 kgs and was about 88 kgs. It was hard on my body. I had a c-section due to placenta previa where I couldn’t go into labour. After the birth, it took a long time for me to recover from surgery. I went into postpartum depression and handling all the changes was a nightmare. I did not feel confident, I was insecure. I lost a lot of hair, my body was weak, my boobs started sagging, and my eyesight became weaker. I have definitely felt a loss of energy since then, my stitches hurt still during rainy seasons. I have memory loss syndrome as well where I can’t remember a lot of things. I eventually lost my pregnancy weight but the loose skin and the stretch marks are still there. Several months later after therapy and getting back to work I was able to understand and cope. It has taken me 5-6 years to finally accept my body and the changes that have happened.
How important was it for you to get back into shape?
Being a part of the media there was definitely some pressure to get back to shape. I felt like I had to make efforts to be the same way I was but that was on my personal account not because of what anyone said. Due to all the stress of postpartum and my marriage not going well, handling my emotions, I eventually lost weight. At the same time, I did look after what I ate and did not go the route of sutkeri way. I treated it like surgery and ate bland food for four months. I lost 30 kgs in less than nine months.
Did you have mixed feelings returning to work life after giving birth?
Initially, I wanted to take a break for six months to look after the baby but because I had a lot of financial responsibilities, I had to get back to work. So around four months’ time is when I went back to work; at first part-time and then slowly as I started getting more work, the schedule became more hectic. I am a freelancer so this has given me the advantage to spend time with my child as much as I can while working at the same time. I don’t have fixed hours. I have chosen the work that I wanted to do and I could do. I followed a lot of mom bloggers and I realised that spending quality time with my child was more important than spending quantity time. Of course, there was a lot of guilt in the initial years but with time and a lot of conversations with other like-minded moms, it has been better.
I realised that spending quality time with my child was more important than spending quantity time.
Thoughts on breastfeeding
My first experience breastfeeding was a nightmare. The nurses kept forcing it onto my child and pulled and tugged. I was embarrassed. It was hurtful and insensitive to say the least. After a few days of crying and frustration, it finally happened. I feel like the mom and child need space and quiet to bond and let it happen naturally. So, giving them privacy and space and of course, letting them know of the technique is very important. There is so much pressure on a new mom to breastfeed. There wasn’t enough awareness even six years ago about things to do as a new mom. It can be very scary indeed.
Emotional adjustments after giving birth
As soon as I got out of surgery and the bed after 36 hours, I got right into my role as a mom. For four months I diligently looked after him. I never slept during the day. Sixteen hours I used to take care of my child and the father used to take care of nights and wake me up for feedings. So, sleep was out of the window. After starting work, I had to deal with my emotions of leaving my child with the family. I have learnt that a happy mother makes a happy child. I do take time out for myself to refresh before I can take care of him. The initial years were frustrating indeed. And it’s not just a mother’s responsibility to look after the child, the father is equally responsible.
Bonding with your child
I am the good cop and the bad cop. We share a good vibe but I definitely discipline him as well. I am open-minded with him and try as much to make him confident and pass on my learnings. We goof around, dance, sing, share stories and laugh a lot.
Myths around pregnancy that need to break
I believe that we should have more conversations about how to tackle and balance culture, tradition and pregnancy and how the pressure takes a toll on new moms. I did yoga during my pregnancy and walked a lot. People think that women should just rest. It all depends on each woman’s body as not all pregnancies are the same. There is this notion in Nepal that pregnant women shouldn’t show their bellies or drive or fly. But with the right consultations with the doctor, a lot can be done. Also, in Nepali culture prepping for the baby before birth with clothes and things is not seen in a good way. I prepped everything beforehand which was a relief as parents don’t have the time to go around buying things after the arrival of the baby. There is a lot of chaos. But with everything comes trial and error too.
RENASHA RAI RANA
Director & Choreographer
How has your body changed after giving birth and how did you deal with postpartum body changes?
My postpartum period is running as it’s been two months since the birth of my twins. My body has changed drastically. I have never weighed more than 50 kgs but now I weigh 76 kgs which is obviously not a big deal after giving birth. Sometimes I feel nauseous and irritated and have lots of mood swings. To overcome this, I am staying active and healthy as I now have added responsibilities. The fact that my body has changed can be seen physically but mentally I still feel like that same 50 kg girl who shops for small-size clothes. And to be honest, I am running out of clothes to wear. I get confused about my wardrobe now. However, I am enjoying this new phase of my life with an open heart.
How important was it for you to get back into shape?
I don’t feel pressurised by the concept of getting back into shape. Nevertheless, I do feel conscious about my looks and appearance on cameras. Which surely lasts over a short period of time because I know that staying healthy is key to your well-being and your baby’s as well.
Do you have mixed feelings about returning to work life after giving birth?
I plan on getting back to my work after my two-month rest. There’s no fear and the reason is that I was prepared for my pre and post-pregnancy period. We were married for three years and when you have planned it out and got your family’s back, it makes it a lot easier to bounce back. I am thankful for my support systems that have been looking after my motherhood journey.
Thoughts on breastfeeding
At first, I was scared, the initiation of breastfeeding created a confused state of mind where I felt conscious about whether I’ll be able to feed my babies or not. Lots of new moms go through this phase and it’s totally normal. The major concern and embarrassment of not being able to provide milk to your baby are harsh but we have got multiple options like formulas. I strictly recommend taking the health professionals recommendations.
Emotional adjustments after giving birth
The first two days after giving birth, I looked at my babies and I felt no attachment at all. It might have been due to medication also. But after that, I was drowning in tears, crying looking at my tiny human beings. I am a perfectionist, never compromised, and have an organised personality. These things have been my weakness and my strength. These past two months, I have been fortunate to receive help from professional nurses and my family, we are always surrounded by 3-4 people looking after the babies. But despite this, I am always alert while asleep and even a small cry from my babies has me on my toes.
