Are there any fears of remaining single?
Lex: I have been single for a really long time and do not fear being single. I have the love of my family and friends and honestly, because I receive and give that in abundance, I have never really felt a huge desire or need to progress this side of my life.
Namrata: To be honest, I wouldn’t say it’s a fear to remain single. I am content with what I have at the present. More than fear, I’d say I want this satisfaction to last regardless of my relationship status.
Manita: When research is showing that the happiest subgroup of people are single women, what is there to fear? The only sad part about being single is when all my friends are coupled-up, they prioritise their family (as they should) and friendship is neglected and put on the backburner. This makes me feel like everyone else is moving onto the next chapter of their life and I am “behind” even though I know I am not. I have to remind myself that it’s not a race and everyone has their own timeline.
Alisha: My greatest fears of being single are: I might want to spend time alone and not like going out much, get thoughts that I will never find my partner, loneliness, absence of emotional support.
Sunaina: Seven years ago, before I started yoga, marriage and kids always felt like an inevitable process of life. Ever since practicing meditation and yoga, it has given me a different perspective – such as marriage and kids is a choice and should not be enforced upon until and unless one is ready. So, I no longer have any fears or feel pressured like I did.
Settling for less out of fear of being single: How true is this?
Lex: I don’t know if its settling but as we grow older, we learn more about ourselves and have clarity over what we want. Some of us also gain more understanding and maybe it is this understanding that makes us more open to people who we may not have given a second thought to when younger.
Namrata: (Laughs) I’d say I am one example of not settling for less. We all know how there is always some pressure of getting married to complete yourself but that does not mean you settle for the first or second person you see just because someone told you, you have lesser options. If you are clear about what you want in your life from yourself and what kind of partner you want, you’ll certainly get that. Sooner or later does not matter much.
Manita: This sentence rings true. I hope this practice dwindles down because we should never compromise on our values and standards.
Alisha: I have seen my friends compromising a lot of things in a relationship with their partner by losing themselves. Even I used to get these thoughts while I was in a relationship, but thankfully, I always gave priority to my dignity and my happiness. If I start settling for less I can never stay happy and if I am not happy ultimately my partner won’t be too. I don’t like to keep things forcefully. The harder you try, the less likely you are to succeed.
Sunaina: Yes, it is true. A lot of people my age are getting married now and I see and hear some are settling due to pressure from family, or fear of getting older, or less choices of good men.
How does one overcome fear of ending up alone?
Lex: Challenge your own assumptions, ideas and society. You can be together with someone and still be lonely and feel isolated. I think we tend to look and prioritise things in a slight disorder. Be 100% happy with who you are and what you stand for. Being in a relationship should be based on someone who will add value to your life; not because you are worried about being alone.
Namrata: I feel being alone is completely okay when you are content within yourself. You enjoy your company, you love yourself. That’s what matters but lonely is something I would never want to feel. For that I have my friends and my family so I guess for now, I don’t fear of ending up alone. And I might fall for someone and decide to get married someday. Who knows.
Manita: It starts with realising that the traditional measures of success like getting married and having kids no longer correlate with our modern notions around happiness. Also, I refused to believe that women end up alone. Women have the emotional intelligence and capacity to create lifelong relationships so we will always be surrounded by love.
Alisha: By making friends, following my goals, being more social, focusing on myself, spending time with nature.
Sunaina: I feel the fear arises from a place of feeling incomplete. But will a marriage complete us in the truest sense? I feel getting into a marriage to fix the void can lead to issues as it will lead to expectations. Better option is to enhance ourselves and reach a space of completeness so that when we do get married it is to share the journey of life together.
What are your thoughts on single parenting?
Lex: I think if the resources, people support and finances are there – go for it. I can’t speak from experience but from what I hear, it is a huge task even where there are two parents. Sadly, it also seems that responsibility and duty of care almost always falls greater on one parent. I’d also like to add being a parent is a privilege that many members of the LGBTIQ+ community are not able to enjoy in Nepal.
Namrata: Single parenting can be a tough job. You need to manage career, time for your kid, and time for yourself. When there are two people, it’s definitely easier but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. Being a parent, a mom, is definitely the most beautiful feeling. Having a partner or not does not hinder being a parent.
Manita: I support it. But, I also believe that it takes a village to raise a child and this is where the strong relationships that women create come in handy.
Alisha: It is difficult but not impossible. It is hard to play both father and mother’s role. But we already have so many examples of single parents and they have done a wonderful job.
Sunaina: I think it is absolutely fine as long as the parent is happy and joyful doing it single handedly.
What is the best aspect of being single?
Lex: I really enjoy my own time and company. That’s probably why I have been single for a long time. You can make quick snap decisions; I like that.
Namrata: Best aspect of being single is having your own space, experimenting paths. Once you are committed you cannot just be selfish and just think about yourself. Basically, you can dedicate all your focus on yourself when you are single. Once you feel you have achieved your certain goals and are ready to take more responsibilities getting into a relationship and starting a new journey with someone you love is certainly beautiful and healthy.
Manita: You are your own priority. Freedom and peace of mind.
Alisha: Less argument, more space, better at keeping friends, focused, healthy.
Sunaina: Freedom to do whatever you wish.