DATING & INTIMACY DURING THE PANDEMIC

How has dating and intimacy changed during the pandemic?

Mahir: I would say that dating and intimacy has had a difference due to the pandemic since it is very hard to be intimate from two meters away and there isn’t much you can actually say on a video date. I feel people who are in a long-distance relationship have adapted to the part of video calls and texts but for those who have been meeting their partner throughout and suddenly not being able to meet them, it has brought a change. 

 Priyanka: I am sure it has been difficult for people to meet during recent times due to the pandemic and it has affected their relationship to some extent. There were lots of options available such as movies, dinner, fun parks, concerts, museum, stadium before the pandemic. But due to the pandemic all these activities are on hold. We cannot go out freely and casually plan for dinners or movies like we used to.

I see two kinds of people around me: the first are the ones who make conscious decisions to not participate in any outgoing activities during this pandemic. I believe this is the right thing to do as the virus has been spreading all over the globe. In the second category are those who believe that they are immortal to the pandemic. However, I am sure the wise decision taken by the government has impacted their personal relationships. We do not have options to go out for movies or romantic dinners therefore, people have resorted to online dating.

Saniaa: Oh, massively. It’s tough. No more meeting interesting potentials at a wedding party or a concert for awhile now. Instagram DMs and Whatsapp or Viber conversations have become important channels for forming intimate connections easily. It’s the age of emoji, screenshots, photos, video and GIF media; they help bring a smile to the face and enhance expression. If romantic partners are living apart from each other, they turn to technology to maintain constant closeness. If they are together, sharing living spaces – like me and my husband – lockdown life has provided the opportunity to get more time together than ever before, for better or for worse. 
 
Altaf: In my opinion, the pandemic has actually made us closer than before as we had more time to talk to each other with fewer distractions which led to deeper conversations about everything pertaining to each other’s lives. As I read somewhere recently, “the pandemic has meant that every date and intimate moment has become more precious”.
 
Faija: Pandemic has affected dating and intimacy in both positive and negative ways. Some relationships bloomed during the pandemic while few came to an end. Couples finally got time to spend time with each other which has led them to various realisations. 

Is pandemic a leg up for dating apps? Could video call become the norm if people want to meet and get to know each other for the first time?

Mahir: Definitely. Dating apps have surely seen a rise in usage since the pandemic. Meeting a person face to face on a first date is always exciting but with the current situation there’s a lot to think about. So, I guess video calls will be the first step. Meeting someone for the first time and spending time to get to know each other better used to be the most amazing thing about a date. But now, sitting and video calling is exciting but it’s not going to let you know the person very well until you decide to take an interview on the first date. 
 
Priyanka: I have been married for quite some time now, so dating apps aren’t the first thing that crosses my mind when we talk about dating during the pandemic. I have friends who are dating via dating apps. I too like the idea of meeting your significant other via the web. I myself met my husband through Facebook. So yes, I think the pandemic is a leg up for dating apps, as you are not only looking for partners but also maybe just a friend. And video calls are much safer than meeting someone in person. Nothing feels better than meeting in person but we all must be careful and considerate about your family members during tough times.

Saniaa: I have single friends who have started their dating journey with someone on messenger, slowly graduating from text chats to video calls over weeks, embracing awkwardness and vulnerability in search of love and companionship. Some of them ended up on real dates, some petered out before they even met due to various factors. The pandemic is a huge opportunity for dating apps, but not everyone is comfortable with being out there. The challenge is to normalise finding relationships through dating apps and making it a safe digital space for everyone. Early on, Tinder gave online dating a bad reputation for making people feel de-personalised and disposable, but now other dating apps like Bumble and Hinge are redeeming the online dating industry by proving themselves to be platforms that can be what you want it to be – a solution to meeting new people, whether you are looking for friendship, physical intimacy or true love. At a time when stepping out and roaming around in public is risky, dating apps are a saviour.

Altaf: Well, of course, pandemic is a leg up for dating apps, especially because this century is all about social network and media. When the pandemic hit, I think it multiplied that effect of connecting to someone through social medium like dating apps. Regarding video call, I think it was already happening with or without pandemic but one thing for sure is that people can take their time to get to know one another through video calls and not rush for a first date.

Faija: Yes, definitely the pandemic is a leg up for dating apps as people are more involved in virtual world these days and hence it has given them the opportunity to find their partner virtually. Apps like Clubhouse have also given platform to people to meet and marry. When it comes to video call, it turns out to be one of the best ways to be with each other. Sharing food and celebrating occasions have been really popular these days via video calls.

How have you been dealing with the uncertainties caused by the pandemic as a couple?

Mahir: We got through it well. It’s surely the longest time we were apart from each other but we spiced it up with a lot of things. My fiancé thought it would be more meaningful to make the most out of the situation than to sit and sulk. So we took Spanish classes, watched movies on video calls, even had lunch or dinner together while video chatting just to have that feeling of each other being there for one another. For us it was a challenge but we got through it well. 
 
Priyanka: I was married last year, just before the pandemic hit Nepal. So, the honeymoon was out of question. We planned our honeymoon but had to obviously cancel for everyone’s safety. So I had a lot of time at home which granted me the opportunity to know so much about his family and their interests. I had so much time to discover my interests in the kitchen, baking. I found baking therapeutic and I couldn’t have started my venture ‘Kharayo Bakes’ without my partner’s support.

However, even with some argle-bargle, we got along pretty well. We are like-minded people who can be lazy sometimes. Not all relationships are always rainbows and sunshine, we are stressed, even our listening skills tend to escape, and it can be difficult to see past our own thoughts and views. Instead, we looked past everything and accepted both good and bad qualities in each other and tried to understand each other’s point of view. We felt even closer than ever. The pandemic made us realise how important the presence of someone emotionally and physically is.

Saniaa: Most of our marital relationship has been spent during the pandemic with multiple lockdowns in-between causing our public life to slow down and our private lives to heighten. My husband and I have dated longer than we have been married so I am grateful that we’ve had the opportunity to travel far and wide, go hiking, socialise with friends and enjoy new experiences together, which helped build a solid base for our shared existence. But being isolated together brought upon a new set of challenges, teaching us to be patient with one another, help each other as friends, make time for the things we love and most importantly, be each other’s source of comfort and optimism. The uncertainties of tomorrow are mostly a strain on our professional lives which we also share, so we navigate everything by talking things out and airing out all negative thoughts so that we can fight them better.

Altaf: As a couple, safety has always been our priority, not only for her but both our families as well. In regards to uncertainties, we always plan ahead for the future and hope for the best. We find creative ways to stay grounded rather than looking at problems. Looking for solutions to make things better have somehow been the best medicine for us.

Faija: The pandemic hit the world right after I got engaged and hence our marriage also had to get postponed from December to May. We finally got married in July. It elongated our courtship period and gave us a chance to know each other better. We saw each other’s highs and lows, physical and mental disturbances which made us stronger as a couple. 

Considering the chaos, where do you think is the safest place to go on a date?

Mahir: Oh well, I would say the safest place to date would be at his place or her place but if that’s not possible then maybe go to a restaurant, cafe or an open park which is socially distanced and enjoy. 
 
Priyanka: The pandemic has caused a lot of problems in dating among youngsters. Because of the chaos, it isn’t safe to meet anyone in public hence couples are facing problems with intimacy. I personally think that dating at the significant other’s home is the best option; you trust everyone and feel safe. If this solution isn’t appropriate for everyone, I love the idea of video dating, even when you are home, you dress cute and cook something fancy for yourself and are on a video call. This is a cute way of keeping the romance going. We better be vaccinated if we want to go out in public, use masks and sanitisers, and maintain some distance. The pandemic has changed our mindsets and has made us more aware of the impact little things can make.

Saniaa: Cafes with outdoor spaces, garden venues, rooftop restaurants and the great green outdoors beyond the city if you can. Try to find places where you can hang out for a longer period of time. Maybe you can make a picnic date happen. This question has inspired me to plan one. 
 
Altaf: Home is the safest place to go on a date. I know some people may not consider it “date” but as long as it is both of us, I am happy. Else, some quiet place with lesser people or a hotel or restaurant known for good sanitisation and cleanliness. 
 
Faija: Going on rides and drives is safe for pandemic dates.