Sometimes getting in the mood for sex isn’t as simple as wanting to be in the mood for sex. There are plenty of times when our minds want to do the deed but our bodies act like they literally could not care less. And sometimes this can be detrimental to your relationship and your man’s interest in you. Learning how to get horny when you are kinda not feeling it is not only possible, but it’s a good skill to have for when you know you need an orgasm, but your vagina gives you the silent treatment. The good news is there are plenty of ways to hack your own horny, even if you don’t initially feel it. From sultry breathing techniques to sexy games, here’s how to quickly get in the mood for a session that doesn’t skimp on the sexiness.
Download an arousal app. Yes, there really are apps out there that can help you harness your horniness. Emjoy is definitely a good place to start. The app’s goal is to help women reach their sexual peaks by learning all about arousal, self-esteem, and desires through personalised, guided journeys.
Roleplay. Not just with your partner, try role-playing with yourself by creating an ultra-sexual ego. This other “you” doesn’t have to deal with your annoying boss’s emails or the laundry piling up; she’s simply about pleasure. Buy a wig in a different colour, wear something totally out of your element, do some wild makeup, and watch yourself in the mirror as you begin to explore ~your character’s~ body. Creating an illusion outside of your day-to-day is “essential,” and in turn, can help you break out of a dry spell.
Caress yourself. Before you dive into masturbation or penetrative sex, start by focusing on areas other than your genitals. Caress your neck, chest, nipples, thighs, and those small erogenous zones that get ignored when you masturbate. Focus on touching yourself in a sensual way, and play with intensity and friction to see what feels good.
Watch Netflix. There are a ton of movies and series you can stream full of sexy scenes. And honestly, sometimes the hookups on Netflix are even hotter than the stuff in porn because you’re so emotionally invested in the characters. Peruse the sexiest shows and movies on Netflix and be sure to have a vibrator at the ready.
Take a bath. Relaxing and de-stressing is 101 when it comes to arousal. If luxe baths are your thing, consider hopping into one before opting for sexy time. Grab a decadent scrub or soak, let the warm water loosen your muscles, and lean in—literally—to the faucet. Whether you actually have sex in the bathroom or hold out for a change in scenery, taking a little bit of ‘you time’ will help you get in the mood.
Sexy yoga. Tantric yoga that leads to a nine-hour orgasm? Apparently, it’s possible. But even if you don’t go all out with erotic poses, taking the time to do some stretching will get your blood pumping and awaken your body. Light some nice candles, take your time doing a few poses, and pay attention to how your body feels with each downward dog.
Play that song. It’s the song that makes you feel like a literal sexual goddess—whether it’s while you’re masturbating or dancing in the club. And it definitely does all sorts of things to your horny radar. So, put it on and let your body move to the beat. Can’t think of any sexy songs? Stuff by The Weeknd, Cardi B, or Megan Thee Stallion should do the trick.
Activate your senses. Its directly related to your libido. Eat some aphrodisiacs (like chocolate), set the mood in your room by adjusting the lighting, turn on some music, swap your sheets to something sensual like silk, and spritz some perfume all over you that turns you on.
Create your own sexual fantasy in your mind. Porn is great, and sometimes even love scenes on Netflix or TV can be even better. But by creating your own sexual fantasy in your mind, “the mental images will quickly get you where you want to be.” Remember: Your mind is your safe space, so feel free to explore whatever fantasies you’ve kept up there, unabashedly.
Turn on the timer and do a shoot for yourself. There’s something special about the act of taking photos. Taking photos allows you to celebrate your body and simultaneously see yourself as the coveted object of desire you are. Put on your favorite sexy silk nightgown, fancy lingerie, or go buff, and use your self-timer to take some hot photos simply for your own use. Knowing they’re just for yourself can also make you less self-conscious about the whole thing. Plus posing and contorting your body for your own gaze is hella hot and empowering.
Get undressed in front of a mirror. What’s sexier than you? Literally nothing! Remind yourself how hot you are, and turn yourself on in the most au naturel way imaginable. If it feels a little strange, try concentrating on the physical features you love the most about yourself, like how shiny your hair is, how sparkling your eyes are, or how bomb that fresh manicure looks when it’s caressing your curves.
Listen to audio-only porn. There are a lot of options out there by way of audio porn. There are sexy stories, guided masturbation tracks, and even sites where people can submit audio files of themselves having sex. Whatever your kink or desire, there’s absolutely an audio option that’ll do it for you. A big perk: You can listen to it on your headphones at work to be horny by the time you get home. No judgment.